Be(come) Yourself

Scrolling through your own social media history is the ultimate in narcissism. The very best bits of your life, documented in a scrolling timeline for people you hardly know. For people who, were they to change their name to something hilarious on Facebook, you would likely forget. Like ‘who the fuck is SteAmboat SArah? And why does she like capital As so much?’

I’ve been on facebook since 2007. You can scroll back to a time when they used to have that graffiti thing on each page, and when you could have a ‘pet’ and you had to feed it. You can scroll back to a time when I used the word “retarded” publicly and without shame, when I thought it was ok to call people sluts. You click through another month, another life and think, ‘who is this jerk? Oh wait, it’s me.’

I read this post on tumblr the other day and it said:

there’s a lot of unspoken pressure to keep liking the things you used to like and to keep dressing the way you’ve always dressed and to never question what you believe in and basically “be yourself” has slowly morphed into “be what everyone knows you as” but trust me when i say if you just give it up and simply make decisions and take actions based purely on what would make you happy, you’ll gain a very comforting sense of self peace (floozys)

This has never been truer than on social media. Where you’ve still got people hanging around who you went to primary school with. Hell, I’ve got people on there who haven’t seen me since primary school. Do they think I’m still really sad about being flat chested? Do they think I’m still the same girl who spread gossip and drama and left a love note in a boy’s desk? There are people on my facebook who were never my real life friend to begin with. Whose wedding dresses and beach holidays and puppies look pretty nice I guess, but whom I’m never going to talk to again. What do they think of me? Do they even remember what I was like in high school? Could they even picture my face if I didn’t upload a selfie every 3.2 days?

On this blog I have a written record of thought spanning back four years or so. My first post is a kinda sexist rant about how I think my opinions about other girls’ bodies actually matter. They don’t, clearly. Sorry women. I’ve changed, so should I take it down? 

I don’t think so?

I like to see this blog as an external record of some fairly complicated internal changes. And maybe it’s important to leave it here for all to see. Or maybe it’s not. I don’t know. But I’m gonna leave my thoughts out there anyway, for better or worse.

I guess what I’m saying is it’s really hard to acknowledge when you’ve changed. And for all the wonderful things I love about social media, sometimes making a solid, written, record of an opinion can make it harder to change. So let’s embrace our past stupidities, let’s acknowledge that we got facebook before we knew how to hold reasonable conversations, let’s proudly change our opinions.

The internet is forever, but our dumb-ass opinions don’t have to be.

 

Right?

PPOM - I'm Always Right

My final Potentially Problematic Opinion is this: I’m always right.

Boyfriend just shook his head in bemusement, I am sure, because I love telling him I’m always right. But that’s a joke. This is for serious. I’m always right, and so are you, even when we’re wrong.

I touched a little while ago on the weirdness of changing your mind on the big stuff. It can be difficult to let go of previously held notions and realign your thinking with new ones. But while it’s important to admit that you’ve changed your mind on something, it’s also important not to get hung up on feeling guilty that you used to be wrong. And that’s what I mean when I say I’m always right.

Still confused? I’m not surprised, let me elaborate.

Truth is subjective. There are many truths about any one situation, and those truths belong to individual people. Their emotions, experiences, and viewpoints contribute to their individual truths so that you could never accurately say, “this is exactly how it is” about anything, really. Being “right” is the same.

When I have an opinion, I believe it to be right, otherwise I wouldn’t hold it. That’s what a conviction is; something you hold to be true. My experience, my knowledge, my values, they all contribute to this opinion. My values may be different to yours, and my knowledge might be limited, but until I expand my experiences surrounding the issue, I’ll still be right.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying people shouldn’t change their opinions, in fact quite the opposite, I’m just kind of conveying it in a roundabout, slightly weird way. Basically, I think we all secretly think like this, “I’m always right”, we say to ourselves subconsciously. Of course we do, how could we not? If we thought we were wrong about something, we wouldn’t hold the opinion, surely. The point I’m getting at is that when you encounter someone with a different opinion to you, it’s imperative that you remember that they don’t think they are wrong, they think YOU are wrong. It seems obvious when I spell it out like that, but in the heat of the conversation, it can be easy to forget. Keeping this in mind will change every debate or intellectual conversation you ever have.

So as you read mine and other people’s Potentially Problematic Opinions, remember, I’m right. I’m always right. But Jess is right, Tim is right, Noni is right, Alex is right, Britt is right and you are right too. Even when we differ.

I’m always right, just ask me.

 

The irony of my last blog's title is not lost on me, I promise.

August is Potentially Problematic Opinions Month. Led by Alex from Adventures in TV-Land, a bunch of bloggers will tell you about opinions they hold that might piss you off, or make you think, or be so obvious you can’t believe anyone would think them problematic, opening your eyes to a whole world of people who don’t agree with you. This is my description, by the way, and it’s possible that Alex has a completely different one. Ooooooh Potentially Problematic!

What else is happening in PPOM? (will be updated with links as they happen)

Tim joined in PPOM with a great post about unhelpful binaries

Alex blogged about "quality TV" and how she's probs not going to watch Game of Thrones (we'll love her anyway, because she's always right). 

Britt has some really well written opinions about Degrassi because Britt is the best

Jess tells us about giving away books!

PPOM - I Hate Crumpets

I hate crumpets.

If you don’t think this is a Potentially Problematic Opinion, let me tell you I’ve nearly lost friends over this. Hell, I probably just lost 3 readers. I’ve had twitter wars about this opinion. My internet friends call it “crumpetgate”.

You see the problem is that people just can’t accept that they’ve been brainwashed. There’s nothing delicious about crumpets. They are about as undelicious as a breakfast can be, and yet the masses run to the defence of these circles of disappointment without hesitation. Already, you crumpet lovers are constructing your rebuttals: “you just haven’t had them cooked right, Lizzy”, “you should give them another try, Lizzy,” “there’s something wrong with your taste buds, Lizzy.” I’ve heard them all before, but on this, I shall not be moved.

Crumpets taste like… I can’t even describe it… ‘sadness’ is the first word that comes to mind, and then ‘holey’. Why are crumpets filled with little holes? The texture is all wrong. There are so many more delicious breakfast options, why must we continue with this farce?

And then there’s the messiness of them. You’ve toasted it, put your condiments on it, and now you have to try and eat it. It’s round, so where do you bite first? And it’s hot, so how do you even hold it? And then of course… the condiment starts to drip; suddenly you are being scalded by hot melted butter and/or honey. It’s a betrayal. No breakfast should harm you in such a way. Why do you allow yourselves to be so badly treated by food? Crepes would never do such a thing. Haloumi has never once tried to burn me.

And then we have this guy.

How can crumpet lovers accept the crumpet man?

He’s a crumpet. And he’s licking his lips. About crumpets. He’s not just a cannibal. He’s trying to sell his own people to you. Does this not bother you?

And it won't end at crumpets...

August is Potentially Problematic Opinions Month. Led by Alex from Adventures in TV-Land, a bunch of bloggers will tell you about opinions they hold that might piss you off, or make you think, or be so obvious you can’t believe anyone would think them problematic, opening your eyes to a whole world of people who don’t agree with you. This is my description, by the way, and it’s possible that Alex has a completely different one. Ooooooh Potentially Problematic!

What else is happening in PPOM? (will be updated with links as they happen)

Alex tells us why it's ok the next Doctor isn't a woman (and makes some really good points about female writers that I almost forgive her for being a crumpet lover). 

Britt is here to tell you that when it comes to her safety, you don't get to tell her what to do.