PPOM - I Hate Crumpets

I hate crumpets.

If you don’t think this is a Potentially Problematic Opinion, let me tell you I’ve nearly lost friends over this. Hell, I probably just lost 3 readers. I’ve had twitter wars about this opinion. My internet friends call it “crumpetgate”.

You see the problem is that people just can’t accept that they’ve been brainwashed. There’s nothing delicious about crumpets. They are about as undelicious as a breakfast can be, and yet the masses run to the defence of these circles of disappointment without hesitation. Already, you crumpet lovers are constructing your rebuttals: “you just haven’t had them cooked right, Lizzy”, “you should give them another try, Lizzy,” “there’s something wrong with your taste buds, Lizzy.” I’ve heard them all before, but on this, I shall not be moved.

Crumpets taste like… I can’t even describe it… ‘sadness’ is the first word that comes to mind, and then ‘holey’. Why are crumpets filled with little holes? The texture is all wrong. There are so many more delicious breakfast options, why must we continue with this farce?

And then there’s the messiness of them. You’ve toasted it, put your condiments on it, and now you have to try and eat it. It’s round, so where do you bite first? And it’s hot, so how do you even hold it? And then of course… the condiment starts to drip; suddenly you are being scalded by hot melted butter and/or honey. It’s a betrayal. No breakfast should harm you in such a way. Why do you allow yourselves to be so badly treated by food? Crepes would never do such a thing. Haloumi has never once tried to burn me.

And then we have this guy.

How can crumpet lovers accept the crumpet man?

He’s a crumpet. And he’s licking his lips. About crumpets. He’s not just a cannibal. He’s trying to sell his own people to you. Does this not bother you?

And it won't end at crumpets...

August is Potentially Problematic Opinions Month. Led by Alex from Adventures in TV-Land, a bunch of bloggers will tell you about opinions they hold that might piss you off, or make you think, or be so obvious you can’t believe anyone would think them problematic, opening your eyes to a whole world of people who don’t agree with you. This is my description, by the way, and it’s possible that Alex has a completely different one. Ooooooh Potentially Problematic!

What else is happening in PPOM? (will be updated with links as they happen)

Alex tells us why it's ok the next Doctor isn't a woman (and makes some really good points about female writers that I almost forgive her for being a crumpet lover). 

Britt is here to tell you that when it comes to her safety, you don't get to tell her what to do.