The Fall of the Eleventh

If you’re not a Doctor Who fan, I’m sorry for your life, and also sorry that this post might not be overly relevant to your interests. (This post is not 100% spoiler free, but it’s also not super spoilery, so if you’re not up to date with Doctor Who, make your choice…. Now).

Matt Smith is leaving Doctor Who. Just announced. Hot of the presses. I guess what you need to know before I go any further is that Eleven is *my* Doctor. If you weren’t around when I first discovered Doctor Who, feel free to go back and read this post, which is a literal transcription of my first Who experience. Please enjoy my first reaction to River Song which was "Who's this wench?" - charming, Lizzy, charming. The first episode I watched was The Eleventh Hour, and I was hooked right from the very start. I watched all of Season 5, and then went back and watched everything from the start of Eccleston, working my way back through again until I caught up with everyone else, who were still reeling from A Good Man Goes to War - in which we all learn the big secret about River Song. The first episode I had to wait for was Let’s Kill Hitler in which, unfortunately, no one kills Hitler.

Let me say now that Matt Smith is making the right choice. He is a very good actor, and he should go off and do all sorts of excellent things with his career. Let me also say that I am sure I will love the Twelfth Doctor. It’s just that, with my watching history, this will be the first regeneration I will watch not knowing what’s coming next. When I went back to watch Nine, I knew he only had one season, and I knew that Ten was coming next. I knew everyone loved Tennant, that he was everyone’s favourite, and that he said “Well” a lot. (Actually, I lied earlier; the first episode of Who I ever saw was The Waters of Mars. It was just on one time. I had no idea what was going on, everything was super dramatic and at the end a tentacle-faced dude appeared and sang the song of his people.) When I watched the Tennant seasons through in sequence, I thought he was great, but I was still waiting for Smith. One season of his was enough, he was my Doctor. And now I am staring down the end. We get two more episodes and then… he’s gone.

And I think this is what is freaking me out the most. It’s not that he’s going, because they all have to leave us in the end, it’s not that we’re getting someone else, because that will be brilliant I’m sure, it’s that we have just two episodes left to enjoy him in. The 50^th Anniversary special isn’t really going to be about Eleven. It’ll be about Ten, and Rose, and wtf is happening with John Hurt and celebrating the show’s history. It shouldn’t be all about the current Doctor, of course, but that means we get just one proper Matt episode. And it’ll be his last. And it’ll be on Christmas Day. For crying out loud BBC, I was just starting to get over my hatred of that holiday, are you trying to crush my soul?

One amazing thing about all of this is that Boyfriend and I are actually going to be in the UK on Christmas Day. So instead of watching the regeneration on the ABC on a hot Boxing Day’s night, we’ll be watching it on the Beeb, in England (probably) and on actual Christmas Day. There might even be snow, if we’re lucky, and a fireplace, and I don’t know fucking mead or something. The point is it will be super British, and just a really different experience to what I’m used to. We will meet a new Doctor in the home of Doctor Who. One of my bestest friends, Amy, will be there, and afterwards we can sit around eating pudding and dissecting what we just saw and what kind of Doctor Twelve will be and weeping for the loss of Eleven. It’ll be great.

Right so I want to tell you guys what my plan for the blog is going forward. But I’m still kind of working it out. So far I have confirmed a designer, the wonderful Finbah Neill, to redesign the page. Go and look at his stuff, he’s very good. Like, wow, I just went and looked over some of those posts again and damn boy. I’m thinking I will keep the dodgy, DIY vibe some of you seem to love but I want to revamp it a bit. Fin is good at lots of things and I’m confident he and I can work something out. The other thing I know for sure is that I won’t be starting any new projects til I’ve finished this semester. So that would be late June/early July. At the moment I think what will happen is I will make overanalysing media a bigger part of what I do from now on but it won’t be all I do. I also would like to take suggestions for things to watch, probably via facebook, so if you aren’t a fan there yet, dooooo it. 

Why Everyone should be Watching Game of Thrones

Everyone should be watching Game of Thrones: A Year 9-style Persuasive Essay

By Lizzy King

Everyone should be watching Game of Thrones because it is really well made, has seriously good actors and appeals to every kind of viewer. Lots of people already watch Game of Thrones, suggesting that it is pretty good, but if you are not one of those people, this essay aims to persuade you that you should be.

Game of Thrones is really well made. It’s made by HBO, who are really good at all things. If HBO had to perform brain surgery, they could totally do it. They would research brain surgery to excruciating detail, design surgeon costumes more realistic than actual surgeon’s outfits and score it with the most bad-ass music you’ve ever heard. They would also be the best brain surgeon in the world. Game of Thrones is based on a series of books, but rather than following the trend of most book to screen adaptations (the old slap dash, nah the fans won’t notice if we completely change everything technique), HBO does an astonishingly good job of making adaptive changes where necessary (lol George RR Marting almost certainly can’t remember all of his characters or places - seriously those books are DENSE) while still keeping the show true to the books in a really satisfying way. Game of Thrones is the ONLY book to screen adaptation where I am not vehemently in support of reading the books first. The books are good, but if you are a slow reader, or not that great at reading GIANT, DENSE BOOKS with APPENDICES, then seriously just watch the show, it is that good.

Another really excellent thing about Game of Thrones is the casting. First up it has Peter Dinklage in it so don’t even talk to me, that guy is amazing.

Loathed though I am to use a paparazzi shot, this guy makes carrying a baby look bad-ass

 Next it has bad asses like Charles Dance, and Jason Momoa being amazing. 

Regal

This isn't even from Game of Thrones but I googled "Jason Momoa badass" and this showed up so....

They have a lady who is a 6 foot 3 model playing an ugly, sword-wielding hero 

Gwendoline Christie is better than you.

and Natalie Dormer just like politically owning everybody with her brain and her boobs. 

"Booyah! Another win for Margery!"

Most amazing of all, in the first season they cast a whole bunch of children and teenagers in main roles and all of them have grown up to be amazing, attractive, clever, GOOD actors. It is just not possible in any reality I understand for that many child actors to be actually good actors, so obviously they have used some kind of witch-craft.

Perfect humans are perfect.

Thus far I have tried to sell you a show without really telling you what it’s about. Here’s the thing, Game of Thrones has such a broad range of appeal, it’s actually kind of difficult to pinpoint what exactly it is about. But let me at least list a bunch of things that Game of Thrones has in it, to demonstrate that there is not a single person who would not find it in some way appealing. Game of Thrones has sword fighting, battles, strategy, castles, pretty dresses, bizarre hair-dos, dragons, giant wolves that have psychic connections to humans, political intrigue, power play, boobs, bums, penises, sex scenes, flashes of surprise vagina, prostitutes, amazing scenery, comedy, torture, gays, bad asses of all genders, gods, demons, zombies, a giant wall made of ice, wine, beer, history, maps, cool weapons, pirates, sexy horse-riding dudes, sexy cleavage-showing ladies and MUCH MORE.

In conclusion, Game of Thrones is really good. Like, way better than you think it is after watching the first (admittedly pretty confusing) two episodes. Due to its amazing production qualities, brilliant actors and broad range of appeal, it is literally my favourite thing to watch right now, even more than Doctor Who (WOAH I know right, THAT’S HOW GOOD IT IS). If you are already watching it, congratulations, you win all the prizes (including the ability to kill your most hated character and guarantee life for your favourite*). If you are not already watching it, I am confident this essay will have persuaded you to go borrow the first season on DVD.

*Disclaimer: this competition is not a thing, EVERYONE YOU LOVE WILL DIE**

** Non-viewers should leave their trust at the door, EVERYONE YOU LOVE WILL DIE

Bonus reason you should be watching Game of Thrones: this video.

Overanalysing Harry Potter

... well it’s worked for me once, why not try again?

Overanalysing TV, books, movies etc. is one of my all-time favourite pastimes. I respect that for some people, this is classified as “ruining”, but for me it is a true expression of my own enjoyment of a text. Now, I’m sure you guys will be stunned to hear this, but I’m currently re-reading the Harry Potter series. I’m about a third of the way through the Chamber of Secrets and already my brain is buzzing with some of the big questions. Please keep in mind that I am analysing from an ‘in-universe’ perspective, that is, I am looking for answers in the stories as if they are for real, and making assumptions where there are gaps. I am not suggesting that J.K. Rowling has any flaws whatsoever, because she is a perfect human being.

Why are all Slytherins jerks? I mean I’m not sure that we ever get a fair representation of them, given that we usually see them from Harry’s perspective, and Harry’s first encounter with Slytherins is Draco, who sucks at being a human. Harry then sees all things Slytherin though this lens, and understandably, that house is tainted with a whole lot of bad shit. But there is no real evidence to suggest this perspective is wrong. Even Slughorn, who is mostly harmless, is kind of a dick. He’s cowardly, insensitive, prejudiced against muggleborns in a really dangerously subtle way. And of course there’s Snape, hero, double agent, eternal sufferer; surely he bucks the trend? No, he’s still a douche and besides, Dumbledore himself says that Snape’s good qualities suggest that Hogwarts “sorts too soon”. That is to say, that Snape perhaps never belonged in Slytherin to begin with.

So I propose one of two answers to this conundrum. Either 1. Slytheriness is hereditary or ingrained or 2. Sorting people into Slytherin makes them douches. I’m inclined to go with option 2, because it seems to me that there can’t be four kinds of people in the wizarding world, but segregating children, bringing them up with four limited world views *creates* four kinds of people. I hope that some time in the future, Hogwarts thinks about reviewing the sorting process. I know that houses are a big part of their history, and that tradition is important, but I would suggest that certain dark traits could be gently discouraged and harmony and cooperation better achieved without this archaic practise.

Where the flip does all the food come from? We know that food is the first of the five principal exceptions to Gamp’s law of Elemental Transfiguration. Right? You guys all knew that right? Basically, you can’t make food out of thin air. Other exceptions likely include money or precious stones and other wealth. This makes sense, if you could conjure that shit up, there’d be pretty much no need for economy or education or like… anything. If you could sit around making food and money all day, you’d never leave the house. BUT we do know that you can summon food from elsewhere if you know where it is: we know that House Elf magic can teleport food between say, the kitchens and the Great Hall. You can also make more of it if you’ve got some already. So presumably, if you had to feed 100 people, you could make a couple of yummy dishes and then just multiply them, or make them bigger. But this isn’t my question, my question is, where does that original food come from?

Are there wizard farms? Wizard grocery stores? Wizard farmers’ markets? Would you become a primary producer if you could be an auror instead? Would you farm the land if you could be the Knight Bus inspector? I feel like there are probably speciality food producers, the kind of people who make magic sweets and chocolate frogs and stuff, but who is growing the corn? I guess the answer is probably muggles. While most witches and wizards would not be able to cope with muggle money and muggle shops, there are probably some who are savvy enough to buy from muggle suppliers and then use Geminio or something and sell it all at a hefty profit.

I was having this discussion on facebook and my friend Blake made the rather amusing suggestion that some pure blood families wouldn’t like this idea, and that there are “muggle-free” ranges that can be purchased by those not wanting their food tainted by non-magical hands. I like to think the shop owners would have to be pretty subtle about this, to avoid being condemned as muggle-haters. I bet the labels say things like “mud free” and “pure bread”.

 Can I go to magic school? I mean, no I can’t, because I’m 24 and a muggle, but where do Australian witches and wizards go? Where do all the non-British, non-French, non-criminal wizards go (sorry Drumstrang, but let’s be real). There’s reference to the Salam Witches Institute, but that seems to be for grown-up witches in America and Bill had that Brazilian pen-pal. I just want to knooooow. I bet the Australian school is somewhere in the outback, and the kids get to it on the magical equivalent of a Greyhound bus. I think magical and non-magical Indigenous people lived together in harmony before Europeans came and mucked it all up. The school would be underground maybe, and Quidditch would be played in the dust and the haze. Mail would be delivered by Tawny Frog-Mouths and Care of Magical Creature class would be even more dangerous than at Hogwarts. In short, it would be awesome.

Incidentally, if J.K. ever felt like releasing An Appraisal of MagicalEducation in Europe like she did with Quidditch through the Ages and The Tales of Beedle the Bard I would be all over that shit in a heartbeat. 

Hey you guys guess where today's blogspiration came from...

On Being an Adult

Things.

I’ve done a lot of adult things in the last few weeks. I’ve bought a car, I’ve moved in with my long-term partner, we’ve moved to Dalby, I’ve driven back in order to finish working at my full time career job. We bought all the adult things (see picture for evidence) and set up our house like adults. Somehow, somewhere along the line I became a grown up and can do all the things I used to think were the sole domain of grown ups like pay bills and talk to strangers on the phone and work 5 days a week and remember to brush my teeth.

And yet, this morning I spent a CONSIDERABLE amount of time looking at pictures and videos on the internet of a certain Mister Benedict Cumberbatch. I watched movie trailers of the Hobbit persuasion, I trawled tumblr for all the Sherlock pictures. I didn’t get out of bed until after midday.

Tonight I’m going to go see the Muppets. I can quote Toy Story, The Emperor’s New Groove and large sections of Finding Nemo exceedingly accurately. I could talk to you for HOURS on the merits of each Hogwarts house (yes, even the Hufflepuffs, though I maintain that many of them are there because they fulfill the requisite “puff” requirements).

What makes an adult then? Can an adult seriously maintain a blog about this kind of stuff? Do most people suddenly stop enjoying the things they enjoyed when they were younger and start only enjoying wine and talking about politics and making children? (well the making part’s alright, it’s the other part I don’t understand, the bit with the snot and the crying).

I am genuinely, seriously, considering getting a tattoo.  A Harry Potter tattoo. And a little part of my brain (and probably yours, too) keeps thinking, tattoos are for life, are you sure you want that? And then the rest of my brain thinks, honestly and genuinely, I’m never going to stop loving Harry Potter. It’s never going to stop meaning all the things it means to me. The smell of those books is never going to stop making me feel 11 again. If 80-year-old Lizzy doesn’t want a Harry Potter tattoo then she should probably go read the books again, it’s probably been more than 12 months. Maybe her eyes are going, hey! 80-year-old Lizzy! Get the audio books with Stephen Fry doing all the voices, then you’ll remember.

Can an adult have a Harry Potter tattoo? Can an adult get stupidly excited about the Hobbit films? Can an adult buy cornettos and put them in the work freezer to have as afternoon treats? You’re damn right they can! In fact that last one is genius if I do say so myself. An adult can still say the phrase ‘grown up’ like it’s a foreign concept, and maintain healthy adult relationships and a job and stuff, if they want.

And if you think otherwise, you’re not a grown up… you’re boring. 

P.S This adult has started making videos now too. Check, check, czech em out http://www.youtube.com/user/lizzyish8/videos