Be(come) Yourself

Scrolling through your own social media history is the ultimate in narcissism. The very best bits of your life, documented in a scrolling timeline for people you hardly know. For people who, were they to change their name to something hilarious on Facebook, you would likely forget. Like ‘who the fuck is SteAmboat SArah? And why does she like capital As so much?’

I’ve been on facebook since 2007. You can scroll back to a time when they used to have that graffiti thing on each page, and when you could have a ‘pet’ and you had to feed it. You can scroll back to a time when I used the word “retarded” publicly and without shame, when I thought it was ok to call people sluts. You click through another month, another life and think, ‘who is this jerk? Oh wait, it’s me.’

I read this post on tumblr the other day and it said:

there’s a lot of unspoken pressure to keep liking the things you used to like and to keep dressing the way you’ve always dressed and to never question what you believe in and basically “be yourself” has slowly morphed into “be what everyone knows you as” but trust me when i say if you just give it up and simply make decisions and take actions based purely on what would make you happy, you’ll gain a very comforting sense of self peace (floozys)

This has never been truer than on social media. Where you’ve still got people hanging around who you went to primary school with. Hell, I’ve got people on there who haven’t seen me since primary school. Do they think I’m still really sad about being flat chested? Do they think I’m still the same girl who spread gossip and drama and left a love note in a boy’s desk? There are people on my facebook who were never my real life friend to begin with. Whose wedding dresses and beach holidays and puppies look pretty nice I guess, but whom I’m never going to talk to again. What do they think of me? Do they even remember what I was like in high school? Could they even picture my face if I didn’t upload a selfie every 3.2 days?

On this blog I have a written record of thought spanning back four years or so. My first post is a kinda sexist rant about how I think my opinions about other girls’ bodies actually matter. They don’t, clearly. Sorry women. I’ve changed, so should I take it down? 

I don’t think so?

I like to see this blog as an external record of some fairly complicated internal changes. And maybe it’s important to leave it here for all to see. Or maybe it’s not. I don’t know. But I’m gonna leave my thoughts out there anyway, for better or worse.

I guess what I’m saying is it’s really hard to acknowledge when you’ve changed. And for all the wonderful things I love about social media, sometimes making a solid, written, record of an opinion can make it harder to change. So let’s embrace our past stupidities, let’s acknowledge that we got facebook before we knew how to hold reasonable conversations, let’s proudly change our opinions.

The internet is forever, but our dumb-ass opinions don’t have to be.

 

Right?

A Photo a Day

More than 200 days ago, on my 25^th birthday I took a photo of the new TARDIS apron my parents had bought me. I had known for a few days that I wanted to start a daily social media ‘project’ but it wasn’t until I took that photo that I knew for sure it would be a photo a day.

srsly though, great present. 

By the third day I was already struggling for ideas of what to photograph. I didn’t want to take boring pictures of my dinner, and I didn’t want to only take selfies, and I was already on struggle street. On days like today, when I haven’t left the house, I will often have to contrive a reason for a photo. Many times this means taking a photo of something I’m eating, or of my face, but more often than not it makes me do something. I’ll go for a walk, bake something or find something nice to photograph.

Initially, I felt weird about this, and some of the photos don’t seem completely genuine, it’s clear to me at least that I am guilty of glorifying the mundane in order to make my life seem more interesting for facebook. But as the days (all 208 of them) have passed, I’ve come to appreciate the impetus to do something worth documenting. Plus I’ve become more relaxed. I don’t try to force a photo as often anymore, and I’ve stopped caring if some of the photos are boring to others. Because while I have made the choice to share them publicly, I have also come to realise that the photos are more for me than for anyone else.

Since starting my weird facebook album I have had a few people ask me why I’m doing it. My answers usually vary between the rather flippant ‘I dunno, just for something to do’ and the comparatively deep, ‘because I wanted to document my life this year’. The truth probably lies somewhere in-between. I knew, on my birthday, that the next 365 days were going to be big. I was going back to full-time study, doing teaching prac and going on an overseas holiday. I also knew that I was struggling to find creative things to do with myself even when I had plenty of free time, so a ‘simple’ photo each day seemed like a nice project to do while very busy.

One of the most surprising things to me is that I’ve managed to keep up with it. While I admit that I have missed a few days here and there, I have been pretty consistent. 

Though I have created this image for emergencies.

Like the imposed regularity of a Sunday blog, making myself document a snapshot of each day has produced both not-so-great and really-quite-good results. I'm pleased I'm doing it, and I feel confident that I will always be glad that I documented this year like this. 

Graffiti on the toilet walls in the cafe where JK Rowling wrote Harry Potter

I haven't yet taken a photo for today, day 209, I think I might do one of my dinner maybe, or one of my pretty face.

what a cutie

The Uncomplex yet Perfect Relationship of me and Lizzy King (We are not in Love) - Guest Post by Kyle Walmsley

Today's (late) blog comes to us from Kyle Walmsley.

I live in Darwin. I am writing this blog in Queensland. Which is where Lizzy lives. Which is poignant. I won’t be seeing Lizzy while I’m here. I’ll tell you why.  I first met Lizzy King when I was running a small bookshop in Notting Hill and she was a famous actress shooting her latest movie and I happened to spill orange juice all over myself and her.

This was not how Lizzy King and I met. That’s the plot of Notting Hill. We’re also not in love. As far as I know. No. We’re not in love.. In fact we’re not even close friends. In fact I hate that bitch. Woah. Sorry, that’s not true. But our relationship isn’t as complex as Hugh Grant’s and Julia Roberts in Notting Hill… which isn’t that complex to start with… which is what I’m writing about today as guest blogger – the uncomplex relationship of Lizzy and myself through the power of social media and words.

Lizzy and I aren’t close friends. That seems like quite a stinging statement, even though I thought about it and practiced it. I really like Lizzy. She’s funny, and clever, has mad theatre skills, we both love comedy and the Kransky Sisters. In fact, our journeys matched up quite strangely the same – we both moved from Brisbane to nowhere, different nowhere, in order to embrace a change and take a break from city living.  

So why aren’t we close friends? I remember growing up, girls especially, seemed to always be pressured into having a best friend. Or a few best friends. In the theatre too, everyone likes to greet everyone with the biggest loudest, “DARLING!!!” you can manage across the room, and introduce everyone as “THIS IS ANDREA SHE’S SIMPLY THE MOST FABULOUS BEST PERSON YOU’LL EVER MEET AND I LOVE HER AND SHE’S MY BEST FRIEND!”. Which is full of insincerity and cheapens real connections. Who I want to fly a flag for are not best friends. I want to fly a flag for those friends who you don’t ever see. Those from whom you aren’t drifting further apart from, but are in fact quite stably and comfortably secured in the perimeters of their consciousness, with no guilt or anxiety about having to climb the ranks of their priority list.

My Facebook feed is made up of three categories: 1) close friends, 2) mentals and 3) Lizzy Kings.  Let me go through these for you now for a little deepening in understanding.

1) Close friends – these are people in my real life that I know. I often see them. I work with them. I know when they’re lying on Facebook, I know when they are seeking out attention, I don’t really care what they’re up to on Facebook because I’ll either see them in real life soon and hear about it, or am involved in what they’re Facebooking about.

2) Mentals – Include people I actively seek out for my own disturbing amusement. People like Annika, a 24 year old mother of three, who has lots of fights with her on again off again boyfriend via her facebook statuses and as I look over now to see what her status is it reads “F**k off you geriatric b*tch, don’t tell me “you know” how to handle my child. You’re opinion is completely unwanted here.” .  People like Steven, 28, who insist that money isn’t real, and that you are actually able to pay bills, fines and government institutions with a piece of paper that is signed and reads “this is legal tender”.

3) Lizzy Kings - These are people that I know, have shared some sort of experience with and now exist only in my news feed. I see them in real life… never. I live in a different state, a different time zone, and here’s the real hard truth – will likely not see them again, outside of bumping into them at the in the street or theatre… or the Gatton local bachelor and spinster’s ball.

These are called the Lizzy Kings because Lizzy King is the model for this category. We met in 2010, creating poetry on stage as part of a creative team that brought an independent show to Metro Arts in Brisbane. Then Lizzy became my favourite person in the world by working her connections to get me a free ticket to The Kranksy Sisters at the Powerhouse. We laughed. We cried. We fell in love again. With the Kransky Sisters. 

And that was it. That was the last time I saw Lizzy. And it’s not because I did a poo in her letterbox, or we fell out of love (we were never in love), it’s just that in life things happen, people end up in different places in the world, and some people are closer than others.

Now here’s the interesting thing. Twenty years ago, had you wanted to keep in contact with a Lizzy King, you’d have to really make an effort – write letters or use the telephone (that’s right, TELEphone… because that’s what they called phones back then). THESE DAYS every week I have a new insight and understanding of Lizzy – through this very blog and her Facebook and her postings on both. I know lots of things about her, her likes and dislikes, political opinions, and what’s she’s been up to. If I were stalking her through a dating profile website, I could totally make the conversation on our first date amazing thanks to all the interest and study I could do around her (once again, not in love). And not just Lizzy but ALL Lizzys. I know intimate details and feelings about people that I haven’t seen in years. We exchange birthday thankyous – share occasional memories of meetings past and frequently ‘like’ each others outward creative expressions… but that’s it.

And it’s awesome. In fact it’s my preference. You get to uphold images of people in your mind with just the good bits, and the filter they choose to use to broadcast to the world, heck knows, I certainly wish I could take a few relationships and erase out the boring, or frustrating bits or the bits where they got to see me have a tantrum or embarrass myself. It’s totally non-committal – I can check in on the other person whenever I feel like it, and they me. And even if they’re sick of hearing from me, I can still check in on them. It’s perfect. It’s true love (it’s not true love).

Please note – the reason this blog is late is because I didn’t submit it on time. Whatever. It’s not like I’m ever going to see Lizzy for her to get me in trouble. (Editor's note - no, but you did give me free reign with the photo...)

Kyle Walmsley circa 2010 when we knew each other IRL - Photo by Amelia Dowd. 

Kyle Walmsley is an actor and writer based in Darwin in the Northern Territory. He writes his own blog at www.imverytiredandcranky.blogspot.com

12 Things I do that my Teenaged Self would Judge me for

Art.

1.     I wear clothes that are fashionable because they are fashionable. Of course, I also wear really ugly shit, and stuff that I like, that no one else in their right mind would wear, but I do that for me, not to prove a point. The point is I try to look nice on a regular basis, and Teenaged Lizzy would think that was the height of conformity (a bad thing, obviously).

2.     I like stuff because other people are into it. See point 1.

3.     Social Media. Not only do I use it, I LOVE it. Facebook didn’t exist when Teenaged Lizzy was around, but if it had, you can rest assured she would’ve thought it was stupid. Teenaged Lizzy’s boyfriend got a Myspace once, and a few weeks’ later he was no longer her boyfriend. THOSE THINGS WERE NOT RELATED – but someone asked if it was. For real, they thought she’d broken up with him because he joined Myspace. What does that say about Teenaged Lizzy, huh?

4.     I drink alcohol. Older Teenaged Lizzy was well on board with this one, but younger Teenaged Lizzy definitely thought getting drunk was the WORST thing in the ENTIRE world.

5.     I’ve don't hate drugs. WHAT! Teen Lizzy would’ve flat out refused to believe this. Teen Lizzy (Teen Wolf?) was the most irritating person in the entire world about drugs. “Is _____ going to be there? I can’t come to the party then, in case he brings drugs.” TEEN LIZZY IF ­­­_____ BRINGS DRUGS GO TO A DIFFERENT ROOM OR LEAVE DON’T MAKE THE HOST FEEL BAD FOR INVITING THEIR FRIEND OMG.

6.     I respect my parents’ opinions. And I don’t just mean in that “yes mum, whatever you say, mum” kind of way. I mean like, if I have an emotional issue, I call my mum to talk about it because she knows me really well and is wise and clever. And my dad is my go to guy for life decisions like purchasing cars or insurance and what have you. Also cooking. They know things. I proactively seek their opinions on those things.

7.     I don’t believe in God. That’s right, Teen Lizzy, all your holier-than-thou shit is going to look even stupider in a few years when I throw in the towel on the whole Catholic thing and take up full time Atheism.

8.     I exercise and eat well. What up Teen Lizzy, being healthy isn’t lame ok, it’s a good thing that means I don’t get sick all the time like you do.

9.     I forgive people for their mistakes. Teen Lizzy, your love/friendship isn’t so important that people should have to be perfect in order to earn it. If they can say “sorry”, you can say, “no worries”.

10. I eat avocados. They are the fruit of the gods. I don’t know what you were smoking, Teen Lizzy, to think they weren’t delicious (though I think we can all assume it wasn’t drugs).

11. I write funny things, because, Teen Lizzy, you don’t make friends with bad poetry about emotions.

12. I have embraced the Inner Nerd you tried to keep hidden for so long, Teen Lizzy, she’s nice and she has good t-shirts, I wish you’d let her out earlier.

13. I have internet friends because internet friends are good, and guess what Teen Lizzy? YOU’RE A NERD, ACCEPT IT!

Lizzyish has opinions: Cynicism in the Age of Social Media

The thing about cynicism is that it is ugly. And boring. 'Oh that is so mainstream' is about the most boring way anyone can react to anything. Just because something is popular doesn't make it bad, or unworthy of your time. Sure, it's brilliant to be an individual, and as someone who spent a large part of her late teens with purple hair, I should know. It's important not to go along with something just because it is popular. But that does not automatically work the other way; it is not necessarily important to not go along with something because it is popular. Reject things because you don't like them, reject things because you disagree with them, but blanket cynicism is about as unsexy as you can possibly be.

This applies to everything, from the music you listen to and the tv shows you watch, to the big important things like which charities you donate to and who you vote for on election day.

Obviously, I'm about to rant about Kony2012.

Anyone who has seen that video cannot possibly tell me they weren't moved in some way. Or you might be able to tell me, but I won't believe you. We all know atrocities occur every day around our world, and we often push this knowledge away or try to ignore it, because who can possibly care all the time? How can you take all the suffering and inhumanities in the world on board and not simply feel completely helpless? And so we ignore it, not because we aren't capable of compassion of because we are heartless, but because we simply can't think about it all the time. So when someone makes a video like that, a video that is powerful and heart wrenching, it is easy to take notice. It is easy to sit up in bed, laptop on knee and think, 'fuck. This isn't ok'. What's more important about the Kony2012 video is that it also suggested ways people could help. Simple things, achievable things, the kind of things you could do from your laptop in your bed.

And this is where the cynics come in. "Armchair activists" is something I've seen bandied around a bit, and also "fauxctivists". These people make me feel ill. This is the ugliest cynicism of all. "You don't protest the way I protest, therefore you are wrong" they say, "watching a video won't save children" they shout on Facebook.

Now I'm not talking about the criticisms that have been leveled at the invisible children group. I'm talking about people who are so desperate to be different and unique that they ignore the obvious merits of getting 15 million people to watch and share and form opinions about an atrocity they didn't know was occurring. This is hipsterism in the extreme, and it is unhelpful, ugly... and boring.

Let's talk now about the criticisms. Some of these are serious and some have been exaggerated. To suggest that the campaign is unworthy because Invisible Children  have 'simplified' the issue is like saying we shouldn't vote for politicians because they have campaign slogans. Obviously they've simplified it, it's a half hour video. To talk in depth about economic, political and social difficulties in ANY country, let alone a developing, war torn country would take some weeks and at least three university degrees. However, like many others, I am concerned to hear that the organisation has been criticised for the way it handles its money. Do I want to donate to a cause that spends more on videos than it does on aid? Not usually, no. However, what the Invisible Children people seem to understand more than any activist group I have ever seen is that in this world of social media and smart phones in every pocket, in some instances awareness IS everything. When human rights issues don't affect a major developed nation's economy, or petrol prices, it is easy for this stuff to be ignored. In the era of Get Up and online activism, people are starting to see that they can stand up and say, this is not ok with me, I am not going to allow this any longer, and I dont have to chain myself to anything to prove it. We can have reasoned discussions, we can have impassioned debate and we can petition the people who matter. We don't have to take to the streets screaming and waving placards no one will see. We don't have to look like crazy people when we protest, and that means people will look at us and listen to us, and maybe even join us.

Let's have critical debate, let's not blindly follow, but don't hate for hate's sake, don't reject an idea because it is popular, and never, never be boring.




This is my opinion, feel free to share yours below.