Sanity is… Writing Lists and Baking

Hello my name is Lizzy and I’m addicted to writing lists and baking.

Around my house you will easily find up to five or six lists on any given day. Shopping Lists, to-do lists, goals lists, assignment lists… Basically if it can be listed, it *will* be listed, and if I haven’t written it out in a list, it probably won’t get done.

When a list is almost completely checked off, I’ll give up on it. It’s too messy now, too full of scribbles. I’ll take the one or two things I have left and start a new list with them - moving in a perpetual cycle of things to complete, of lists.

Sometimes I have to resist the urge to put “write a list” as the first item, because someone might see it and judge me. But apparently, admitting this in a blog is just fine, so there you go. Possibly more shamefully, sometimes I actually do write things in after the fact and then tick them off, just to prove to myself that I’ve accomplished them. It’s like they didn’t happen unless I write them down. Mental, I know.  

Today’s list* looks like this:

-       pencil case update

-       ironing

-       print forms

-       pack folder and notebooks

-       put oil and water in car

-       wash clothes

-       make lunches:

o   bread

o   zucchini slice

o   banana bread

I’m going on prac tomorrow, so today is the day I organise all the little fiddly jobs to make sure I don’t rock up in front of a class and realise that I’ve forgotten how to teach. No, I don’t have to write “remember how to teach” on a list; what I mean is that once all the tiny things are sorted, I feel infinitely more confident, more ready to try new things and be challenged. But if I’ve got the wrong pencils in my pencil case well then… god help us all, I’ll be balled up under my desk by 10am.

Also, that last item in the list is important. When I have a lot to do, I often take the time to make food. This seems bizarre, I know. I’m so busy I hardly have time for sleep and yet I spent two hours today doing nothing but baking. Is there logic to this? Possibly not. But there is something very comforting about baking, to me, anyway. I usually make at least a batch of muffins each weekend. This could just be because I really like muffins though, not sure.

But it goes back to the original point, I’ve organised my lunches now. I’ve got fancy bread and a zucchini slice and banana bread. I’m actually ensuring that in the middle of a stressful week, I’ll have at least one serve of veges in my lunch, I’ve got something sweet to push through that last little bit of the day, I won’t be hungry. But more importantly, I don’t ever feel stressed out when I’m baking. My mind goes blank, really, and I don’t think about any of the things I’m worried about. I just think about flours and cinnamon and whether I should use up the bananas in banana bread or if I should make them into muffins and how many chocolate chips are too many chocolate chips. Is that even an amount?

So yes, I’m addicted to lists and baking, but they keep me sane. And frankly, that’s very important right now.

It's possible that I only wrote this blog to show off what I made today... 

*One of. There’s a whole other list for assessment. Shhhh I’m perfectly sane.

Predictions for “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them”

So before I became a Game of Thrones nut, long before Doctor Who became my thing, I was a Harry Potter fanatic. I mean, yeah, so was every other child in the world, but I feel this warrants a mention. Why? Because there’s a new Harry Potter film coming out. That's right, a new one. The answer to all of our prayers. And I’m pretty fucking keen, yo.

This film will be based on the for-charity add-on book Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them which is a text book referenced in the novels about magical creatures. Sounds boring, right? MY GOD ARE YOU WRONG THERE, FRIEND. First up, important to note is that J.K. Rowling herself is writing it, which means that it won’t be Steve Kloved to death, i.e. it will be a good adaptation. Secondly, it’s actually going to be about the wizard who researched and wrote the book, Newt Scamander and it’s set in 1920s New York. 1920s Magic New York. I don’t know how if it’s possible for me to be more excited about this.

I just read the book for the first time (I know, I know, I honestly don’t know how I hadn’t read it yet, please don’t revoke my fandom license), so here are my predictions for what we will see in the film.

1.     Slapstick galore – Newt will hit a fantastic beast with a kettle, this will happen.

2.     Montage of incredibly boring beasts.

3.     A 1920s flapper love interest, yessssss so excited.

4.     Amazing New York version of/ answer to Diagon Alley, big sweeping shots of magical shops and wonder.

5.     Haharr aren’t Americans so funny with their funny ways?

6.     Haharr aren’t British people so quaint with their quaint ways?

7.     Newt’s love interest will help him with unicorns, and he will thus discover that they prefer witches to wizards.

8.     Mountain climbing.

9.     Underwater scene in glorious, eerie green hues.

10.  Dragons. Awesome, angry, fiery, spiky dragons.

11. Dumbledore appearance. Which I would be excited about except film Dumbledore is awful. “HARRYDIDYAPUTYANAMEINDAGOBLADEFIYAH?!?!”

12. Perhaps a McGonagall appearance. Animagi aren’t beasts, they’re witches/wizards, but maybe that will be somehow relevant.

13. It is too early for a Hagrid appearance, unless the film spans a number of decades. If it does, there’ll be a young Hagrid appearance and that would be awesome.

14. Magic New York! I can’t emphasise enough how exciting this is for me. Discovering the world of HP was always some of the best stuff in those books, so we get to do that all over again. There’ll be secret entrances to magical places in Times Square, and fun muggle interactions in Central Park.

15. OMG there’ll be magical beasts in Central Park that is brilliant.

16. Jo Rowling cameo? That might be wishful thinking.

17. Newt Scamander will be a white dude. Let’s get that out of the way now. And people will be mad about it. I’m offering no opinion on the matter, just stating facts. Also if he isn’t a white dude people will be mad about that too. People are just generally mad about things, to be honest.

18. Loch Ness monster will feature as a major plot point perhaps? Or the yeti? Memory charms and misinformation and all that stuff will be explored.

19. From now on, fan fiction will involve a lot more time travel to facilitate cross-overs between the two eras. And lots and lots of Harry/Newt fics. So much. More than you can possibly comprehend. It’s already started, I am very confident about that.

20. This will be the first in a series of film spin offs. I’m predicting that we’ll get Quidditch through the Ages as well as (fingers crossed) one day, a Marauder era film. Or even, and I know I’m just getting giddy now, a second generation (i.e. the trio’s kids) film. And this is why I’m so excited people. It will never die. HARRY POTTER, THE FILM FRANCHISE THAT LIVED.

Starting next week we’re going to have a few guests joining us. First up will be Alex Neill, who has very generously agreed to do the first guest post for me next Sunday. Stay tuned.

20 Legit Reasons People Voted for the LNP Probably

If you read my facebook feed, it’s clear that no one voted for the Coalition.

And yet here we are.

So, we must ask ourselves, if none of the diverse and interesting people I connect with on the internet voted for the LNP, who did? And more importantly, what were their reasons? I therefore present to you, 20 legitimate reasons why someone might have voted for Tony Abbott and his crew.

1.     They thought “LNP” stood for Loud Newts Party, and are now expecting some raucous lizards to be taking office.

2.     They completely misunderstood the voting process, and put an “I” not a “1” next to an LNP candidate. The “I”, in their mind, denoted the biggest Idiot on the ballot.

3.     They thought “the boats” was slang for really annoying hold music.

4.     They thought the Labo(u)r Party was founded on the idea that all people should be in childbirth all of the time.

5.     They thought the Greens are only for people who are literally green.

6.     They though PUP was an actual dog, and then, for some reason thought a person would be better at governing than an animal (wrong).

7.     They thought gay marriage was about happiness in marriages, and became concerned that their marriage wouldn’t pass the “happiness test” and that it would be deemed null and void.

8.     They ate the pencil while voting, and the graphite they subsequently coughed up accidentally formed a perfect 1 in the LNP box.

9.     Having been raised in the bush by wild pigs, they are afraid of literally all things, but especially women, who smell funny, and brown people, who look slightly different to other people.

10. They were hypnotised by a stage hypnotist once, to respond to their trigger phrase, “jobs and cuts” by writing a 1 next to LNP candidates. It was an extremely specific hypnotism show in the late 70s and it was art man, ART.

11. Having been in a coma for the last 7 years, they woke up on Election Day, saw Kevin Rudd’s face on TV and immediately assumed he was the man who put them in a coma all those years ago.

12. Having been in a coma for the last 60 years, they woke up on Election Day and relied on their convictions and values to guide them when voting.

13. They donkey voted. By that I mean they are an actual donkey with no understand of federal politics. Who let that donkey in here? Is that even allowed?

"hahaha voting!"

14. They think the PNG solution is a policy whereby we’ll all be given a free holiday to Papua New Guinea every year, I hear it’s lovely there… if you’re a tourist.

15. They consume only Murdoch run newspapers. Literally. I mean that they eat them, imbuing themselves with the power of the media and also its one-sided views.

16. They think the Australian economy is in dire straights for some reason.

17. They really hate reasonable class sizes, and want their children to have to hang from the ceiling in a 50-student class. That’s character building, that is.

18. They are one of Rupert Murdoch’s many robots, sent to do his bidding (his bidding is voting LNP, in case that wasn’t clear).

19. In a stunning display of their own ignorance, they thought to do otherwise would be to throw away their vote.

20. They are this lady: 

Feeling better about things.

Astute readers will note that I took a break last Sunday. It was my birthday (almost) and I was off having adventures. If you don’t follow me on Facebook you’re missing out on really important information like this, and also amusing screen shots of the things people have googled to find Hum Drum Plum so I honestly don’t know what you’re thinking of on that front.

This week I want to blog about serious things. But I’m not gonna. My brain is filled with a hundred opinions about asylum seekers and politics, atheism and education, feminism and media… but those opinions are starting to take their toll. I feel exhausted sometimes by the weight of my own thoughts and occasionally you’ve just got to have a bit of fun, sometimes you have to turn off your brain (and step away from the computer) and let the shit of the world pass you by for a few hours.

So here’s a list of things that will make you feel better about any given topic.

1.     Step 1. Cut up a banana, step 2. Stab a banana piece with a fork, step 3. Dip piece into nutella jar, step 4. Omnomnom, step 5. Nirvana.

2.     Play board games (not Monopoly) with trusted loved ones. If anyone starts getting aggressively competitive, make them sit on a tiny chair in the corner until they’ve calmed down.

This is an actual photo of me actually playing board games with my actual siblings.
It was a lot more exciting than we are making it look.

3.     Watch The Emperor’s New Groove.

4.     Use safe mode on youtube, it hides all the comments. 

5.     Buy a packet of pink Hubba Bubba. Chew each piece until it *just* loses its flavour. Spit it out. Repeat. This, for me, is a personal vendetta against adults from my childhood, who made me get my money’s worth on every last piece of quickly-flavourless bubblegum. 

6.     Use the hashtag “cleaneating” on your instagram photos of cheese, chocolate and hot chips. 

7.     Make tea in a teapot. You’re fucking worth it.

8.     Hide all the people on your facebook feed who are wrong all the time.

9.  Go for a long drive in the countryside. Perhaps you have a friend who lives three hours away and would gladly welcome you for a weekend in a small town first founded in the 1840s and known for its rich grain and cotton industries… 

10. Make a playlist of your favourite up-tempo songs. This is not a workout playlist. No, it is not a housework playlist. These are not the songs you’ll listen to on the way to work. This is your dance mix. You will dance to this list when you’re home alone. You will crank it loud, you will sing along, you will jump up and touch the ceiling, and spin around in your socks. No one is watching, and if they were, they’d want to join in.

11. Buy someone a gift for no reason at all.

12. Buy yourself a gift for any reason you can think of. 

13. If you’re the kind of person who is into this sort of thing, do your hair and makeup real special on a day you will see no other living soul. Be glamorous for the only person whose opinion matters… you.

14. Put clean sheets on your bed and go to bed early with a book. This is one of the best cures for grumpiness in the whole world. Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.

15.  Make something. Build it out of lego, or playdough or sand. Bake a cake if you want, or write something down. There is a whole world of tiny achievements you can create yourself. Today I picked some snow peas I grew myself and I feel like the Queen of the world.

16. Let people be wrong on the internet. They’ll always be wrong, don’t let them make you mad too.

17. When the banana is all gone, keep eating the nutella with the fork. You’re a grown human, do what you want man.

18. Write a list of things you’ve rarely or never done. And then take your own advice.

19. Tell someone you love them.