Five years

Yar. Here be cheese. 

What have you done in the last 5 years? Have you finished school? Uni? Maybe you’ve started a new degree or found a new job. How many jobs have you had? I’ve had 7. But then, I do get bored pretty easily.

5 years is both a long time and no time at all. People make 5-year plans because they are achievable. You can make reasonable goals, but they still feel significant. Because heck, 5 years! You can do so much in 5 years, right?

This blog is dedicated to the last 5 years. 5 years ago today, Boyfriend and I sat on a couch at a party and decided that the thing it was that we were doing was probably actually dating and that was cool with us. We fist bumped and then went back to the party.  In 5 years we have been to lots more parties, we’ve worked on shows together, and we’ve accidentally worn the same coloured shirt in public too many times. We’ve celebrated birthdays and Christmases, attended family events and gone to New Zealand together. I’ve finished a degree, and Boyfriend has gone back to uni and then finished a diploma to become a teacher.

But it’s not really what we’ve done in 5 years that matters, not when we’re getting all sentimental like this, no. It’s that we’ve done it together. We’ve done fun stuff and boring stuff and big stuff and small stuff. We’ve gotten excited about TV shows and movies together and we’ve tried to take an interest in each other’s interests (with varying degrees of success).

We’ve made decisions together and taken big scary risks together. In the last 5 years we’ve gone from two people who met in the student theatre company to a couple who decided to move to the country. Somewhere in there we started calling each other “partner” rather than “boyfriend” and “girlfriend”. Though, to outweigh the corniness of this somewhat, I for one, am usually thinking “howdy, partner” whenever I do that.

I didn’t always understand what people meant when they said relationships were hard work. “Hard work?” I thought, “they shouldn’t be work they should be awesome”. But they take work to make them awesome. But just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s not good (that’s what she said?) You have somebody else’s heart in your possession, and they have yours. You have to be careful, and considerate, you have to look after that heart and they have to look after yours.

 So 5 years. It’s not much, and yet it’s very much. Here’s to 5, 10, 15, many more.

I guess I don’t get bored THAT easily. 

Valentine’s Advice from your smug partnered friend

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single girl in possession of a big tub of ice cream must be in want of a Valentine.

However little known the feelings or views of such a girl may be on her first entering a pub, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding women, that her happiness is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of her partnered friends.

Yes even if such a lady SAYS she’s happy being single; she secretly wants us coupled ladies to help her find love. On a daily basis. So, with this in mind, I have compiled a list of tips for this Valentine’s Day.

1.     Being in a relationship is the most important thing in the world. Don’t even TRY to find happiness in your work, hobbies, or interests – they are meaningless. Meaningless.

2.     Dating is really easy. Sure, *I* haven’t done it in years, but if you’re not good at it there is SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU.

3.     Have sex with as many people as possible, it will make you feel good about yourself and is also a good way to lose weight. Nothing.

4.     Don’t have sex with every guy you meet, that’s just slutty.

5.     I don’t know; work out some sort of percentage. Maybe like 70%? What am I? A mathematician?

6.     You are free to date whoever you want, after they have been through a rigorous testing process coordinated by myself and your mother. We are definitely in cahoots.

7.     How did I end up in such a sickeningly perfect relationship? Oh, just luck I guess. You? You should not rely on luck. Really desperately and actively seek a relationship so that you can be happy like me.

8.     The key to a good relationship is open and honest communication. So it is important to make a note of all the lies you tell him now, so you can keep track of them.

9.     The aforementioned lies should just be little things. Like your age, your income, your hopes, dreams, desires and most important of all, your interests. It is important to pretend to like all the stuff guys like so they don’t get bored when talking to you.

10. I mention my boyfriend up to 38 times an hour in an attempt to encourage you to get one too.

11. Wear lots of make up all the time. No! You’re beautiful! I’m just saying guys are really into stuff like hair and make up, they really notice when you make an effort in the morning. Seriously.

12. You just have to be patient. Mister Right is out there for you too, and other clichés.

13. There is nothing wrong with being alone on Valentine’s Day, really. You know what you should do? You should organise a big girls’ night out! Just us girls!

14. Oh no, The Boy won’t mind, we have plans during the day. Oh I won’t bore you with the details but let’s just say it involves champagne and ponies and a hot air balloon and cheese you’ve never heard of and also gourmet figs and a puppy. At the same time.

15. Yeah! Let’s get really drunk! Who needs men right?! *smug smile*

16. Tequila!

17. Dancing! Let’s dance sexily… together haha just kidding.

18. You should kiss that guy! No really.

19. Just kiss him Sarah.

20. Go over there and do as you are fucking told.

21. Because I said so.

22. Haha see that was fun wasn’t it?!

23. Let’s sing female power ballads!

24.  I’m a survivor I’m gonna make it I will survive keep on surviving!

25. Do you wanna make out with me? Jokes!

26. What do you MEAN you want to leave?! Party party! Wear a pink plastic hat, Sarah it will make you feel better.

27. Put on the hat Sarah.

28. Tequilaaaaa!

29. No, seriously. No shh, shhh just listen. I envy you. I really do. You’re so free. Sometimes I wish I was single.

30. Can someone call my boyfriend and get him to pick me up? I just spewed in my shoes.