Real Life Hermione

Recently Emma Watson gave a speech about how she’s a feminist and everyone else should be too. It was powerful, heartfelt and well-received. But it wasn’t perfect.

I’ve suspected for some time now that Emma Watson is actually Hermione Grainger in real life.

She has all of Hermione’s good traits - she’s brave, incredibly clever, proud and strong. But, like Hermione, she’s also flawed.

When Hermione seeks to liberate house elves, she does so with the best of intentions. As a muggleborn, she has a unique outsider’s perspective to the problem, and refuses to accept a status quo that magic folk don’t even realise is there. She sets up a Society, fiercely defends it when others mock it, and challenges children and adults alike on their beliefs on the matter.

But she doesn’t really consult the house elves.

I think there is no more classic moment in the books then when Hermione stops eating in protest. How will this help? If it were even noticed, it would surely only insult or endanger the elves. By not eating their food you are devaluing their work/lives, and if she had managed a full-on boycott of Hogwarts dinners, she would’ve done them out of a job, their only means for fulfilment and safety. 

Now, it’s incredibly clear that house elves are hard done by, but it’s not a clear cut issue. Culturally, the elves are linked closely with their ‘families’, and we meet a number of them who completely define themselves as their masters’ slaves. So you can’t just walk in and free them. Hermione sees a clear problem, devises a clear solution, and finds that unfortunately, even the magical world isn’t so black and white.

Hermione tries to comfort Winky in the kitchens - art from Pottermore

Similarly, our real life Hermione - Emma Watson - has tried to simplify gender inequality to a clear cut problem with simple solutions. While watching her speech I was impressed and excited, but there were a number of things that niggled. And on further watchings/readings, there are some pretty glaring problems.

Firstly, there is no mention of people who fall outside the gender binary. It’s just men, and women. Women being oppressed and men standing by. The issue is far more complex than that. For one, men are so often the ones doing the oppressing or benefiting from the oppressing. For another, there are plenty of people who don’t fit so neatly into those boxes at all. Feminism *must* include transwomen, it *must* acknowledge the issues faced by genderqueer people, by transmen, by men and women who don’t “look like” men and women. My concern is that the UN and Watson want to make feminism palatable to the mainstream, which I understand, but you can’t exclude people just to make it easier for the oppressors, that’s wrong on so many levels.

Next, there’s a line in the speech about gender inequality hurting men, and how their freedom from gender constructs will also free women. Now I completely agree that men are hurt by the patriarchy every day, but I really don’t like the way it’s implied that men should only care about gender inequality because it hurts them (or women they know and love). Further, I don’t like this stuff about “when (men) are free, things will change for women as a natural consequence”. Like… we should free men from gender inequality and then women can just ride the equality train all the way to the finish? No. It wouldn’t be a natural consequence, and nor should we be expecting it to be. Equality is and always has been a fight, I feel like the implication that it will just all nicely flow now that we know it’s not about man-hating is kind of offensive.

Finally, what is the He for She campaign exactly? It’s men standing up for women, and declaring themselves feminists. Which is great. I am all for that on about 300 levels. But as far as I can gather from the website, He for She is asking men to click a button and then that’s it. So where to from here? Hermione’s made her S.P.E.W badges, she’s signed up Ron and Harry, but now what? I completely agree that gender inequality is a men’s issue, particularly when it comes to sexual and physical harassment, which is perpetrated overwhelmingly by men. That’s a men’s issue if I ever heard one, but is clicking a button and tweeting about it enough? Of course not, there needs to be actual, real changes to attitudes and actions. 

Our real-life Hermione is, as far as I can gather, a really wonderful and excellent human being. I’m glad she’s not fictional, I’m glad she’s brave and kind and clever, and I’m glad she’s standing up for something I believe in. But at this point, I need her to be more than Hermione. I need her to be real, to acknowledge the complexity of this very real problem, and to be seen to be highlighting very real solutions to it. I’d also like to see her pointing out the women who’ve gone before her, who maybe aren’t so 'palatable' to the mainstream, women of colour, women with disabilities, transwomen, women who say things that rile people up. Because as wonderful as a speech about feminism going viral is, Emma Watson’s wasn’t new or ground-breaking and it won’t have particularly long-lasting effects, unless she takes this campaign so much further than a website and a hashtag. 

Hermione Grainger is one of my all-time heroes, and I believe Emma Watson can be one too. But she’s not there yet. 

Want to read more about this topic? These two articles say it way better than I do:

Why I’m Not Really Here For Emma Watson’s Feminism Speech At the U.N. - By Mia McKenzie (Black Girl Dangerous)

Emma Watson Speech Hardly a Game-changer - By Clementine Ford (The Age)

Predictions for “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them”

So before I became a Game of Thrones nut, long before Doctor Who became my thing, I was a Harry Potter fanatic. I mean, yeah, so was every other child in the world, but I feel this warrants a mention. Why? Because there’s a new Harry Potter film coming out. That's right, a new one. The answer to all of our prayers. And I’m pretty fucking keen, yo.

This film will be based on the for-charity add-on book Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them which is a text book referenced in the novels about magical creatures. Sounds boring, right? MY GOD ARE YOU WRONG THERE, FRIEND. First up, important to note is that J.K. Rowling herself is writing it, which means that it won’t be Steve Kloved to death, i.e. it will be a good adaptation. Secondly, it’s actually going to be about the wizard who researched and wrote the book, Newt Scamander and it’s set in 1920s New York. 1920s Magic New York. I don’t know how if it’s possible for me to be more excited about this.

I just read the book for the first time (I know, I know, I honestly don’t know how I hadn’t read it yet, please don’t revoke my fandom license), so here are my predictions for what we will see in the film.

1.     Slapstick galore – Newt will hit a fantastic beast with a kettle, this will happen.

2.     Montage of incredibly boring beasts.

3.     A 1920s flapper love interest, yessssss so excited.

4.     Amazing New York version of/ answer to Diagon Alley, big sweeping shots of magical shops and wonder.

5.     Haharr aren’t Americans so funny with their funny ways?

6.     Haharr aren’t British people so quaint with their quaint ways?

7.     Newt’s love interest will help him with unicorns, and he will thus discover that they prefer witches to wizards.

8.     Mountain climbing.

9.     Underwater scene in glorious, eerie green hues.

10.  Dragons. Awesome, angry, fiery, spiky dragons.

11. Dumbledore appearance. Which I would be excited about except film Dumbledore is awful. “HARRYDIDYAPUTYANAMEINDAGOBLADEFIYAH?!?!”

12. Perhaps a McGonagall appearance. Animagi aren’t beasts, they’re witches/wizards, but maybe that will be somehow relevant.

13. It is too early for a Hagrid appearance, unless the film spans a number of decades. If it does, there’ll be a young Hagrid appearance and that would be awesome.

14. Magic New York! I can’t emphasise enough how exciting this is for me. Discovering the world of HP was always some of the best stuff in those books, so we get to do that all over again. There’ll be secret entrances to magical places in Times Square, and fun muggle interactions in Central Park.

15. OMG there’ll be magical beasts in Central Park that is brilliant.

16. Jo Rowling cameo? That might be wishful thinking.

17. Newt Scamander will be a white dude. Let’s get that out of the way now. And people will be mad about it. I’m offering no opinion on the matter, just stating facts. Also if he isn’t a white dude people will be mad about that too. People are just generally mad about things, to be honest.

18. Loch Ness monster will feature as a major plot point perhaps? Or the yeti? Memory charms and misinformation and all that stuff will be explored.

19. From now on, fan fiction will involve a lot more time travel to facilitate cross-overs between the two eras. And lots and lots of Harry/Newt fics. So much. More than you can possibly comprehend. It’s already started, I am very confident about that.

20. This will be the first in a series of film spin offs. I’m predicting that we’ll get Quidditch through the Ages as well as (fingers crossed) one day, a Marauder era film. Or even, and I know I’m just getting giddy now, a second generation (i.e. the trio’s kids) film. And this is why I’m so excited people. It will never die. HARRY POTTER, THE FILM FRANCHISE THAT LIVED.

Starting next week we’re going to have a few guests joining us. First up will be Alex Neill, who has very generously agreed to do the first guest post for me next Sunday. Stay tuned.

Loving the Problematic

I am, as you probably know by now, a consumer of media. I devour books, I mass watch TV shows, I obsess about things that “aren’t real”. This means I’ve read and watched a lot of good things in my time, but it also means I’ve encountered a lot of shit things too. Especially because, no matter how crappy something is, I will usually finish it. I persevered, for example, with four whole seasons of Smallville before final giving it up in frustration. I read the entire Twilight series in the vain hope that the writing might get better, or perhaps that the damage it was causing to my brain might lower my expectations.

As you also know from my ranting, and my overanalysis of such media, I am a feminist, and I believe in equality of all people regardless of race, culture, gender identity or sexuality. Unfortunately, most of the media I consume does not think like this. Most of the media I consume believes that “sex sells”, that putting women in revealing outfits means they are just “giving the people what they want”, that gay guys are funny, that Asian people all sound the same, that white, middle class, athletic American dudes are the “everyman” that we can all identify with. In short, media is a bit shit. Books are a bit shit. Stuff I enjoy is a bit shit.

So how can I justify this to myself? Well… by writing a blog about it and trying to make it ok, I guess is one way to look at it. The answer is, I can’t really. It’s important to me that I recognise that the last scene in the most recent Game of Thrones season has a problematic depiction of people of colour, that Sherlock doesn’t pass the Bechdel Test, that Cho Chang from Harry Potter has a name that is actually two last names from the wrong culture. It’s important for me to register those things in my brain. And it’s important for me to discuss these things with other people, to talk about why they are problematic, to write blogs about them, because I think those are discussions worth having.

And yet… I still enjoy the books and TV that contain these problematic elements. How can that be? How can I reconcile myself with these things? Sometimes I worry it makes me a bad feminist or even just a bad person to consume some of the media I consume. Doctor Who for example, is pretty much all out hated by feminists these days. And I can, for the most part, understand why. But I don’t hate it. Yes I groan at certain parts, yes it shits me at times, but I still watch and enjoy it. It’s still a really good show. I like it for all the things that don’t shit me, for the amazing stories, for the silliness, for the drama, the music and the sets. I like it for Clara and for River and for Rory and for history and aliens.

Probably my worst crime of the problematic at the moment is Supernatural. I just marathoned all eight seasons of that thing. And holy freaking shit it’s the most misogynistic piece of crap I’ve watched in a long time. Women are killed every few minutes, one of the main characters uses the words, “bitch”, “whore”, “slut” etc. to describe pretty much every woman they come into contact with, and the series of sexual encounters of both Dean and Sam are described like conquests all the time. But I still liked the show. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? I’m not even sure. Yes, I would definitely enjoy it more if I didn’t spend large portions of the viewing experience with my fists on my forehead in what I like to call the “god damn it misogyny!” pose, but I didn’t hate the show. It has action and fighting and comedy and good characters and ghosts and vampires and angels and increasingly, Felicia Day. I am in fact looking forward to the 9^th season.

So what am I saying? I guess… that we live in a problematic world, and our media reflects this? It’s nigh on impossible to find a book, TV show, movie, comic etc. that doesn’t have problematic elements. It doesn’t mean we should accept it as “normal”, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be angry, or frustrated, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have discussions about how the things we love could be better but it doesn’t mean we can’t love those problematic things. In fact, I would argue that loving these things means there’s a better chance of them getting better.

I think there’s something to be said for being a discerning audience member, an involved reader. Watch and read what you like, but do so cleverly, do so with nous. Because it’s intelligent discussion and discerning analysis that bring about change, just as much as revolution and boycott. If something offends you, switch it off, if you want, but if something is problematic but still enjoyable, keep watching. Register the problematic elements, talk about them, blog about them, write to the writers, make a video. Say “I love ______, but it worries me that the following things keep happening”. The show runners and writers aren’t going to change their product for the people who turn it off; they are going to change it for the people who keep watching, for the people who keep reading…. For us. 

The "Goddamn it Misogyny!" face, copyright L. King 2013

Q and Eh?

What 5 cities would you like to travel to?

Do I have to travel to them all in one day? If so, probably a bunch of the cities in the middle of Europe, I feel like you could get around to 5 cities in one day pretty easily.

Look I'm not saying I'd be able to stay for lunch or anything...

If I have a bit more time, and we’re talking cities I haven’t yet visited, in no particular order: Toronto, Edinburgh, Naples, New York and Dunedin.

If you wrote a book which was being turned into a film, who would you like to direct it?

I don’t know a lot about directors, but the guy who did The Hunger Games did a really good job of adapting that, so him. His name, according to IMDB, is Gary Ross.

If you wrote a book and it was being turned into a film, who would you want to star in it?

You guys are pretty keen on me writing a book, huh? It's nice to know you think I actually have it in me but this is hard to answer because 1. How do write books? And 2. I haven’t written one so I don’t have a character in mind to cast. On the other hand, Jennifer Lawrence.

What books/coimcs/tv shows/short stories would you like seen turned into a film/TV series]?

 You’ve thrown me off with that ] there, woah.

But to answer your question, I think that the The Fault in our Stars film can’t come soon enough, and also that in 15 years’ time, someone needs to remake Harry Potter properly, and I would be very keen on working on it somehow, and Tom Felton could play Lucius Malfoy, is all I’m saying.

How amazing am I?

Look, you are pretty amazing, and I’m a big fan.

what is it like to be pretty? Haha

Haha? Hahahahaa. Ha. People used to tell me I was pretty, people still do occasionally, which is nice I suppose. I think it gave me a warped sense of myself as a teenager, but it certainly didn’t make me any less self-conscious than anybody else. I think you are pretty.

Oh no wait are you asking me what it’s like to be ‘pretty haha’? Like… kinda funny? It’s great! I never thought I was funny and I always got upset when people made jokes and riffed off each other because I felt inadequate, and then one day I realised that being funny can be practiced and so I started practicing. Making people laugh is one of my favourite things to do, not least of all because it’s a skill I worked at.

Meanwhile, back on the attractiveness thing, I don’t shave my armpits anymore, so I hope that takes off a few pretty points for you.

Would you rather swim through a lake of vomit or a lake of diarrhea?

WHAT COUNTRY IS THIS? WHERE ARE THESE LAKES? THIS IS AWFUL. WORST. COUNTRY. EVER.

...Vomit.

If you were stuck on the proverbial desert island, what would be your: one album, one book, one film, one tv show, one food, one drink, one friend to hang with and one friend to eat?.....yeah. Cannibalism.

Album: Mozart’s requiem (I’m assuming I have something to play it on, right?)

Book: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (God, that was like choosing between children… or internal organs)

Film: The Emperor’s New Groove

TV: Doctor Who (I’m taking as many seasons as physically possible)

Food: Something really boring and sensible, like a fruit, that I can plant the seeds of so that I always have food.

Drink: cider, for the tough times

Friend to hang with: you dear, of course

Friend to eat: I can’t decide, I’ll do a lottery or something. I can only imagine the conversation:

SURPRISE YOU GET TO COME ON A HOLIDAY WITH ME!

Yay, where are we going?

EXCITING TIMES, IT’S A DESERT ISLAND.

What? That’s the worst, why can’t we go to Melbourne or something?

DON’T ASK QUESTIONS, GET IN THE BAG.

What?

IF YOU SEE SOME SEASONING IN THERE, BE A DEAR AND JUST START RUBBING IT INTO YOUR SKIN.

What is your spirit animal? Or patronus? YEAH!

Some kind of big cat, like a tiger or a lion would be cool, but let’s be real here, it’s probably a koala or something.

What do you want for dinner?

I think we should probably use some of the chicken in the fridge, are you cooking?

Will you do this marking for me?

No. Get back to work, boyfriend, you have dinner to make.

Who would win in a fight between Josh Martin and ex-Pope Benedict?

I don’t know, does Benedict also have multiple martial art skills? Seems unlikely, in which case this is an awful match up, who did this draw? Didn't I tell you to get back to work?

Shoes

So…. This isn’t a question, but I like your style; simple, direct, to the point. Do I like them? I have very few and absolutely hate shopping for them, but I like them as much as anybody who doesn’t like rocks in their feet, I guess.

Which Harry Potter character would you like to act? Which would you like to be?

I am not a very good actor, so I’d like a bit part as like, Ravenclaw number 4 or something, but if I could *be* a character, I would like to be Harry. Or maybe Luna. Or Neville. 

Want to be involved in the next Q and Eh? Like Hum Drum Plum on Facebook, follow me on twitter, or become my boyfriend.