Blurb

idk

I’ve had a lot of jobs in my relatively short life. You know how lots of authors have those blurbs on their dust jackets? The ones that go Blah Blah has been a teacher, gymnastics instructor, waitress, tight-rope walker, singer, and for one horrifying day she was mistaken for an architect. She has written for TV, radio and film. This is her 16th book. She lives with her husband and their three cats in London. Yeah. That’s been my life, except without the successful writing career, or the cats, or London.  

Once, when I was changing jobs for the 700^th time, I actually thought about what my blurb might look like on a book and got all excited imagining it. It will sound so interesting, I thought, like I’ve really lived a life. The only problem with this fantasy, of course, is that I’ve never written anything longer than a few thousand words, and any time I’ve ever had an idea for a novel, I’ve been too impatient to actually write it. So the chances of me having a dust jacket blurb are pretty slim. Regardless, I’m going to write my own blurb, right now, just to show off my many and varied roles, in order.

Lizzy King has been a purveyor of fine donuts, a serviced office receptionist, a receptionist for an OBGYN, a generally grumpy barista, unemployed, a cleaner, a stage manager, production manager and lighting operator, she’s been an admin assistant for a music department, a student assistant, a glorified roadie, a production coordinator for an arts venue, a conference centre coordinator and receptionist again. For a few horrible months she was an assistant accountant. Now she is a teacher aide, education student and blogger. She lives in Dalby with her partner, Boyfriend, and their imaginary animal friends. She has never written a book.

So yeah. There’s a lot of jobs in there, and almost all of them paid me. The good news is that education feels different. For the first time in my life I am doing something that feels right all the time. Even when it’s hard, it feels right. And it’s been such an amazing experience; I’m kind of kicking myself for not doing it earlier.  The other good news is that I have this really weird, broad range of experiences, most of which involved being quite organised, pretty switched on and not freaking out about the unexpected. So you know… things that are pretty important when teaching.

Sure, I’m flighty, sure I infuriate my parents, yes, I could probably stand to stick things out a bit more, but in my 10 years in the big, scary world of work, I’ve gotten almost every job I’ve applied for, I’ve learnt new things a million times over, and I’ve gained a whole lot of XP. I spent ten years trying a whole lot of things in an attempt to find where I really want to be. It was a process of elimination, but I feel like I’ve found it. And besides, if I ever do write that novel, my blurb will be awesome.

Please share your blurbs in comments. Out do me. Go on.

 

I just spent at least 5 minutes looking up why teachers are always depicted with apples.

News:

Next month is Potentially ProblematicOpinions Month. During this themed month, Alex Neill writes about things that are potentially problematic, and this year she’s asked other people to join in. So I am! However, next month will also include some pretty crazy uni stuff and professional experience at an actual school so I’m giving myself the option to not blog sometimes if necessary. So stay tuned for possible, potentially problematic opinion blogs and stressed out crying. 

Feeling better about things.

Astute readers will note that I took a break last Sunday. It was my birthday (almost) and I was off having adventures. If you don’t follow me on Facebook you’re missing out on really important information like this, and also amusing screen shots of the things people have googled to find Hum Drum Plum so I honestly don’t know what you’re thinking of on that front.

This week I want to blog about serious things. But I’m not gonna. My brain is filled with a hundred opinions about asylum seekers and politics, atheism and education, feminism and media… but those opinions are starting to take their toll. I feel exhausted sometimes by the weight of my own thoughts and occasionally you’ve just got to have a bit of fun, sometimes you have to turn off your brain (and step away from the computer) and let the shit of the world pass you by for a few hours.

So here’s a list of things that will make you feel better about any given topic.

1.     Step 1. Cut up a banana, step 2. Stab a banana piece with a fork, step 3. Dip piece into nutella jar, step 4. Omnomnom, step 5. Nirvana.

2.     Play board games (not Monopoly) with trusted loved ones. If anyone starts getting aggressively competitive, make them sit on a tiny chair in the corner until they’ve calmed down.

This is an actual photo of me actually playing board games with my actual siblings.
It was a lot more exciting than we are making it look.

3.     Watch The Emperor’s New Groove.

4.     Use safe mode on youtube, it hides all the comments. 

5.     Buy a packet of pink Hubba Bubba. Chew each piece until it *just* loses its flavour. Spit it out. Repeat. This, for me, is a personal vendetta against adults from my childhood, who made me get my money’s worth on every last piece of quickly-flavourless bubblegum. 

6.     Use the hashtag “cleaneating” on your instagram photos of cheese, chocolate and hot chips. 

7.     Make tea in a teapot. You’re fucking worth it.

8.     Hide all the people on your facebook feed who are wrong all the time.

9.  Go for a long drive in the countryside. Perhaps you have a friend who lives three hours away and would gladly welcome you for a weekend in a small town first founded in the 1840s and known for its rich grain and cotton industries… 

10. Make a playlist of your favourite up-tempo songs. This is not a workout playlist. No, it is not a housework playlist. These are not the songs you’ll listen to on the way to work. This is your dance mix. You will dance to this list when you’re home alone. You will crank it loud, you will sing along, you will jump up and touch the ceiling, and spin around in your socks. No one is watching, and if they were, they’d want to join in.

11. Buy someone a gift for no reason at all.

12. Buy yourself a gift for any reason you can think of. 

13. If you’re the kind of person who is into this sort of thing, do your hair and makeup real special on a day you will see no other living soul. Be glamorous for the only person whose opinion matters… you.

14. Put clean sheets on your bed and go to bed early with a book. This is one of the best cures for grumpiness in the whole world. Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.

15.  Make something. Build it out of lego, or playdough or sand. Bake a cake if you want, or write something down. There is a whole world of tiny achievements you can create yourself. Today I picked some snow peas I grew myself and I feel like the Queen of the world.

16. Let people be wrong on the internet. They’ll always be wrong, don’t let them make you mad too.

17. When the banana is all gone, keep eating the nutella with the fork. You’re a grown human, do what you want man.

18. Write a list of things you’ve rarely or never done. And then take your own advice.

19. Tell someone you love them. 

Loving the Problematic

I am, as you probably know by now, a consumer of media. I devour books, I mass watch TV shows, I obsess about things that “aren’t real”. This means I’ve read and watched a lot of good things in my time, but it also means I’ve encountered a lot of shit things too. Especially because, no matter how crappy something is, I will usually finish it. I persevered, for example, with four whole seasons of Smallville before final giving it up in frustration. I read the entire Twilight series in the vain hope that the writing might get better, or perhaps that the damage it was causing to my brain might lower my expectations.

As you also know from my ranting, and my overanalysis of such media, I am a feminist, and I believe in equality of all people regardless of race, culture, gender identity or sexuality. Unfortunately, most of the media I consume does not think like this. Most of the media I consume believes that “sex sells”, that putting women in revealing outfits means they are just “giving the people what they want”, that gay guys are funny, that Asian people all sound the same, that white, middle class, athletic American dudes are the “everyman” that we can all identify with. In short, media is a bit shit. Books are a bit shit. Stuff I enjoy is a bit shit.

So how can I justify this to myself? Well… by writing a blog about it and trying to make it ok, I guess is one way to look at it. The answer is, I can’t really. It’s important to me that I recognise that the last scene in the most recent Game of Thrones season has a problematic depiction of people of colour, that Sherlock doesn’t pass the Bechdel Test, that Cho Chang from Harry Potter has a name that is actually two last names from the wrong culture. It’s important for me to register those things in my brain. And it’s important for me to discuss these things with other people, to talk about why they are problematic, to write blogs about them, because I think those are discussions worth having.

And yet… I still enjoy the books and TV that contain these problematic elements. How can that be? How can I reconcile myself with these things? Sometimes I worry it makes me a bad feminist or even just a bad person to consume some of the media I consume. Doctor Who for example, is pretty much all out hated by feminists these days. And I can, for the most part, understand why. But I don’t hate it. Yes I groan at certain parts, yes it shits me at times, but I still watch and enjoy it. It’s still a really good show. I like it for all the things that don’t shit me, for the amazing stories, for the silliness, for the drama, the music and the sets. I like it for Clara and for River and for Rory and for history and aliens.

Probably my worst crime of the problematic at the moment is Supernatural. I just marathoned all eight seasons of that thing. And holy freaking shit it’s the most misogynistic piece of crap I’ve watched in a long time. Women are killed every few minutes, one of the main characters uses the words, “bitch”, “whore”, “slut” etc. to describe pretty much every woman they come into contact with, and the series of sexual encounters of both Dean and Sam are described like conquests all the time. But I still liked the show. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? I’m not even sure. Yes, I would definitely enjoy it more if I didn’t spend large portions of the viewing experience with my fists on my forehead in what I like to call the “god damn it misogyny!” pose, but I didn’t hate the show. It has action and fighting and comedy and good characters and ghosts and vampires and angels and increasingly, Felicia Day. I am in fact looking forward to the 9^th season.

So what am I saying? I guess… that we live in a problematic world, and our media reflects this? It’s nigh on impossible to find a book, TV show, movie, comic etc. that doesn’t have problematic elements. It doesn’t mean we should accept it as “normal”, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be angry, or frustrated, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have discussions about how the things we love could be better but it doesn’t mean we can’t love those problematic things. In fact, I would argue that loving these things means there’s a better chance of them getting better.

I think there’s something to be said for being a discerning audience member, an involved reader. Watch and read what you like, but do so cleverly, do so with nous. Because it’s intelligent discussion and discerning analysis that bring about change, just as much as revolution and boycott. If something offends you, switch it off, if you want, but if something is problematic but still enjoyable, keep watching. Register the problematic elements, talk about them, blog about them, write to the writers, make a video. Say “I love ______, but it worries me that the following things keep happening”. The show runners and writers aren’t going to change their product for the people who turn it off; they are going to change it for the people who keep watching, for the people who keep reading…. For us. 

The "Goddamn it Misogyny!" face, copyright L. King 2013