Who is the Advice Peacock?

Who is the Advice Peacock?

The Advice Peacock is an idea. He’s an enigma wrapped in a dream served with special sauce. He has a lot of feathers. He has a lot of ideas.

The Advice Peacock knows his shit.

Marital problems, religious questions, existential crises. The Advice Peacock can help. He is like your favourite Agony Aunt except a bird.

I created the Advice Peacock as a sort of alter-ego. Long time readers (first time callers) will not be surprised to hear that I like to give advice. I have many blogs dolling out unsolicited advice like soup to the homeless. I rave incessantly about things I think will make you a better person. But I’m 24. And 24 year olds can’t just walk around telling other people how to live their lives. Well no-one can, but youth seems to make it even worse. Who am I to tell you how to dress (in my first ever blog), who am I to list dot points on the best way to survive school, who am I to lecture on any topic at all? What are my qualifications? What, really, gives me the right?

The Advice Peacock does not have these issues. The Advice Peacock is wise, he is fabulous, and he is fictional. Sure, he’s arrogant, knows too much for his own good, and is kind of an idiot, but who’s going to question a peacock? He has all the feathers, and those feathers look like they have eyes. You can trust him. Or at least, you can fear him slightly and accept that his arrogance is merely a result of his supreme knowledge and well-preened plumage. 

So sometimes I embody the Peacock. I allow him to exist within me as I write/rant about all the ways you could be better. I strut up and down, his soft yet supportive tail feathers encasing me and extoll profound truths and tacky metaphors. I am he. He is me.

The Advice Peacock features in a zine I accidentally made and am selling for $2 at TiNA today. How did this happen? Some say Internet Party made me do it; still others say Advice Peacock himself was involved. All I know is that he gives awful advice and makes me happy.

If you have questions for Advice Peacock send them to humdrumplum [at] gmail [dot] com and I’ll see if he’s up for answering a couple of them. 

They are nutritious and taste like happiness

Nerdtopia

Hey there,

So I'm currently SWAMPED by preparation for the 2high festival so I haven't had any time for challenges, and nor will I until after it I suspect. So I thought I would entertain you this week with a blog post I did for the 2high tumblr. The marketing team asked each of the coordinators to write about what inspired us. Most of the other coordinators are really arty and linked amazing images or talked about art that inspires them (except Sam, who wrote an amazing story about a turtle for some reason). I thought long and hard about what to write and ended up with something that kind of represents my philosophy on life. Like, if I ever get famous, I want people to quote me on this. I feel like I will use these words for the rest of my life. I'm serious. I kind of want to edit it a bit and print it out and make posters. That's how happy I am with this philosophy. 

Hi there!

I’m Lizzy, one of the production coordinators on this year’s festival – shiny, no?

I’m currently at a different arts festival, This is Not Art in Newcastle, NSW. I’m having the best time, and it’s making me really excited for our own 2high festival at the end of this month! That’s right, the festival is so soon, which means we here at production central are working hardcore to get all the scheduling, tech requirements, backline etc etc etc ready in time for our artists so that everything looks and sounds and runs like an attractive, noisy clock.

I’m a massive nerd, so in times of stress like this, I like to take strength from my favourite fictional characters. When I need to be courageous, I wear my Gryffindor* shirt and I think, “what would Neville do?” When I need to be strong, I think of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, because that chick is hardcore, and has dragons.

I love being a nerd; life is so much more interesting when you embrace your inner nerd. Being a nerd is just like being a normal person, except you’re really into stuff. You can be a nerd about anything, about movies or music or dancing or chocolate or tea. You can be a nerd about theatre and socks, if you want, or Star Trek and gumballs. You just have to really love something, and not be ashamed of it. What is the point of being embarrassed about loving something? This is probably the best thing about being a grown up. At school, someone might have punched you, or shouted at you for having a lunchbox with Doctor Who on it, but now that you’re a grown up you’ll probably just find someone with a Dalek keyring and become best friends.

I am a nerd about stories, mostly. I love good stories – books, movies, TV shows, plays, stand-up comedy, memoirs… I’m inspired by people who write and create these stories, and one day I’d like to try it myself. To me it doesn’t really matter if it’s the most expensive episode of Doctor Who or a student play put on for $50 and a box of wine, if it’s a great story, I love it, and if it’s funny, I probably want to marry it. I keep shoeboxes with souvenirs of good stories that I have experienced, some of them from my real life, but most of them from stage or screen. I have kept one box every year since I was 11… which means there are 13 boxes in my room. Every now and again, usually when I should be doing something else, I go through these and think about all the excellent stories in there (and some of the terrible ones… from my teenage diaries, shudder). I am looking forward to adding the souvenirs from TiNA and later, from 2high – I hope I have encouraged you to become nerdy about something, and maybe start your own collection. Maybe you can become nerdy about something you discover at the 2high festival?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get ready for a Big Top Ball… I have a sparkly sequined hat and socks for my arms. Winning. Tiger blood, etc.

Lizzy

*Did you know that Microsoft Word recognises Gryffindor as an actual word? I would chalk this up as a win to nerdkind

So much nerdiness! So little time!

Newcastle Adventure: Day 6 and 7

Not sure if you can read this, but the Anglican Church's sign reads simply, "O M G" - indeed.

I am home in my own bed now and am much too sleepy to write anything too long or exciting, but I did just want to finish up my Newcastle posts. I’m really grateful to everyone who’s been reading these. According to my stats page (that I watch like a lonely child watches a full playground), these blogs have gotten the sameish number of views my weekly blogs usually get. DON’T WORRY I’m not about to start blogging daily or anything, but it is nice to know you’ve all been following my adventures in the blogosphere.

You should all check out Alex’s blog, given that she was one of the official bloggers of the festival, and also because she is good at things. Her blogs give you a different perspective, and focus less on things like “and then I caught a bus, and then I ate some breakfast” and more on things like… you know… interesting stuff. Plus she asked me to do a guest post. CHUFFED. I manage not to mention breakfast, though on further consideration I do mention chocolate in the first line.

Ok. So yesterday I slept in, which was AMAZING. And then I read a lot of emails and minutes from meetings I have missed while I’ve been away. That was also good, I’ve been easing myself back into reality slowly, so I don’t go into shock tomorrow. [This may still happen]. Then Fin and Alex and I made a waffle plan, which fell through but resulted in me eating French toast and bacon, which I would still consider a win. The coffee shop served our tea on Little Golden Books. Odd/excellent.

The festivals were all pretty much over but there was still “Show us Ya Early Work” hosted by Alex at the Bowls Club. This event basically involved people reading out things they wrote in their youth. Youth being a rather broad term, ranging from Grade 3 to last year. It ended up being a really entertaining time. It made me wish I’d brought a copy of The First Story I Ever Wrote which I do speak about occasionally to people. I wrote it when I was 8, and I always thought it was about a snake that learns how to crow like a rooster. Only upon finding it recently, I discovered my 8 year old self had actually written a story that involved the snake tricking a rooster into teaching it how to crow, eating the rooster and then, being so fat with rooster it couldn’t climb the fence to crow anymore and the other animals laughing at it. I may be related to the Grimm brothers, not sure.

THEN Alex and Fin took me to Dungeons and Dragons! Well, actually it was a game called Paranoia, but it follows the same premise. I’m still not sure quite what happened but I had a great time and would be all for doing something similar soon. Is anyone I know a closet D and Der? Can I come play with you? Cool. Let’s do that.

This morning I checked out at 10 but had all day to kill. So, I know you’ll be surprised to learn I went and ate breakfast. And this time, I got the waffles. Delicious. I loitered in the café for quite a while. I’m reading George R. R. Martin’s Song of Ice and Fire Series (i.e. Game of Thrones) and I am hooked. Once you get started it’s really quite difficult to put them down. So I did a lot of reading in that café while sipping a hot chocolate.

I went for a wander of Darby Street and bought some things, including a cryptic crossword book and a t-shirt with an Enid Blyton reference on it. Winning. Tiger Blood. Etc.

I walked for ages, through town and out to the beach where I nutted out some cryptic crossword clues and read some more and witnessed a man practicing backflips off a ledge. Then I witnessed that man axe his foot on the aforementioned ledge and hobble off. I walked again, Newcastle has these ocean bath things. The concept is pretty cool. If it weren’t so freaking freezing I would have loved to swim in them. Then I followed the other beach back into town, observing a carnival full of screaming children along the way. Then a bus back to my backpacker’s, where Kerry my personal taxi driver was waiting. A taxi drive, some more cryptic clues, a flight, more reading, a train journey, more clues, and a final taxi ride and I was home.

It’s been one hell of an adventure. I will do it all again next year, without a doubt. Now, to face reality that is going back to work tomorrow. Also it’s just over 3 weeks until the 2high festival, so stress land is upon me. But from now on, I shall have the awesomeness of this week just gone to carry me through. That, and a Famous Five t-shirt.

Newcastle Adventure: Day 4 and 5

Newcastle Adventure: Day 4 and 5

RIGHT. Two whole days have flown by again and I haven’t written at length about things that will make you jealous! This must be rectified! ASAP!

Well, Saturday began with breakfast, as all good Saturdays should. Sian and I are good at breakfast; we intend to make a habit of it in Brisbane. Then we headed off to a panel called “Writing Revenge” which was about writers writing to get back at others, and …

Oh my god can I just interrupt to say that the pub downstairs is currently getting Rickrolled? This is the best.

… sorry, return to normal programming. Yeah, writing for revenge was really interesting. There was an author there who had written fiction that included characters based on his real life in not very good lights. And there was someone there who works as an editor on sport biographies who spoke about having to remove really petty, damning stuff by sports stars wanting to settle the score. Loved it.

Then it was on to cupcakes, at a cupcake store Samara would flippin love, and then a catch up with my mentor by the ocean. Kalyan is pretty amazing. She gave me heaps of advice about writing – how to not hate it, how to gain inspiration, places I should sit when I’m writing and things to try. Some of the stuff that really stuck with me includes: “write for yourself, if other people like it – great”, “stories come from people” and “write with rhythm”. We’re going to keep in contact via the internets.

Then I thought I had to volunteer but I didn’t so I went to “NYWF saves Australian TV in an hour”, a panel that had Alex on it, as well as Dom Knight from the Chaser and Lawrence Leung and an awesome guy called Mark Sutton who also hosted the cryptic crossword thing. I don’t know that they necessarily saved Aussie TV, but it was entertaining and an interesting insight into the many different ways someone can go about writing for TV. The place was packed, it was probably the most popular thing I’ve been to here.

Then Alex was on another panel, “Comedy writing: tough crowd” about writing comedy collaboratively. I found this to be one of the most inspiring events I’ve been to here. I really want to take a lot of the stuff I learned at that panel and apply it to making something awesome on my return home. Lots of stuff they said clarified for me why BUGfarce worked so well last year, and also how I could have done it even better. So stay tuned, who knows what might come out of what I learnt there.

Then it was home again home again jiggity jig to get ready for the ball! I decided to walk home, which was a mistake, it’s much further than I thought. But I did get to see the reason why all the streets were suddenly closed: there was a float parade. I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen one before. The floats were a bit odd, and one of them was actually just a ute with an umbrella on it, but still, floats!

I’m pretty proud of my costume, slap-dash as it was, and the hat totally made it!

The ball was a lot of fun. I drank too much and danced a lot – I taught Celeste how to do that foot dance thing we used to do at school? Does anyone remember what I’m talking about? Because I didn’t even realise I remembered until I was slapping my feet against hers. That sounds… stranger than I meant it to.

Also a list was compiled of words that need to be used more regularly in daily life:

The band, Shanghai, was pretty great, and so was the first DJ. For my rant about the second DJ please refer to my tweets at about 2am this morning QLD time.

Oh yes, that’s right. When I got in, drunk and freezing, I remembered to change my phone to an hour later, making it suddenly 2am instead of 1am. I then stayed up for an hour, I’m not sure why or what I was doing (mostly just tweeting about the DJ, I suppose) but there you go.

I got up much earlier than I would have liked thanks to agreeing to volunteer and the wonders of daylight savings. My vollie shift was long, and covered in rain, but good. It was much the same as the other night – go to a venue, dump equipment, realise we’re missing something, go get it, come back, set up, go somewhere else, repeat. My Midnight Beast hoodie bore the brunt of the downpour but by the time I finished I was exhausted and shivering, and still hungover so I had a little lie down back at my room. I’m not really sure why I was surprised that this resulted in me sleeping through the spelling bee, but I was quite surprised indeed! I’m quite upset I missed it, because I’m sure I could have done a great job, maybe even been a finalist, but sometimes the best word of all to spell is nap.

I went and met people that I know and ate a lemon tart in a house looking over the ocean, while watching Australia’s Next Top Model. Then we headed to the Writer Wants a Wife finale. Brilliant stuff. Alex asked me to guest blog about it, so I will link to that when she uploads it. Linkety Link

There was a bit of a sad parting of the ways after that, as some people are leaving in the morning. I shall be quite sad to return to reality myself, really. This has been the best time I’ve had in ages. Equal parts exciting, fun, new, inspiring, challenging, silly and awesome. This has been the year of trying new things, and short of completing the challenge “go skydiving” this is probably going to be the biggest new thing I try all year. I made the decision to come here because I wrote a vaguely emotional tweet about needing to escape my own life, which Alex, someone I’d never met, responded with “www.thisisnotart.org - do it” or something similar. A spontaneous, crazy decision that has turned out better than I could possibly have hoped. I’m definitely coming back next year, without a doubt. Coming with?

Newcastle Adventure: Day 2 and 3

Um, before I get into this, I’m pretty sure the TV in the common room next door just said “Sixty Thousand Wizards”, this is an important fact I think you need to know.

So. Wow. How has it only been 3 days? I am having such an amazing time, and I don’t know where to start! The beginning, I suppose, yesterday morning.

My first volunteer shift was kind of a bit odd. I think they’ve rostered too many tech vollies and there was a lot of standing around and “go with those guys and see if they need a hand” – I hate that kind of stuff. I’d much rather be doing something, or be doing nothing, then awkwardly hovering near other people working. For a while I dubbed myself “the official lead gaffer of the 2011 TiNA festival”. 

From there I went to the mentor meet and greet. My mentor Kaylan is pretty amazing and she said the magic words “no, I think going to uni to study writing could actually hinder your career as a writer”. Thank Christ. Because if she’s said she thought I should go back to uni I would have given up the whole idea all together. Go and get a trade, you know? Carpentry or something. I also met some other excellent people, like Joe, who just casually mentioned he has a feature film coming out next week, and Van, who wrote Black Hands/Dead Section, a play I worked on at uni. The mentor meet and greet morphed into the artist meet and greet, which I sort of stuck around for, and hovered on the edge of. There are some amazingly talented people here, some fun and enthusiastic people, and so far, no wankers. The impossible has become reality.

Then, suddenly, there was a group of 15ish of us, and we were walking, and it was so very cold. We detoured by someone’s hostel, and then waited in the shelter of Customs House while the wind blustered until the bus arrived. Then all of us piled onto the bus, much to the *great delight* of the *super enthusiastic* bus driver – it turns out it’s not just a Translink thing… most bus drivers hate everything.

Alex’s house is only the most amazing house I’ve ever seen. It’s like a grown up house with nice floors and a beautiful kitchen and antique furniture (including an old school dentist’s chair) but Alex has filled it with awesome things like Daleks and a H2G2 poster and a pool table. The important stuff. We ate cherry pies in the shape of Tardises …. Tardi? And drank Sonic screwdrivers:

Then we played the most excellent game of fuck, marry, kill – except it was make out with, repopulate the earth with and throw to the zombies. Nathan Fillion was the eventual winner, with Arthur Darvill a close second.

Then there was a taxi adventure home again and a fabulous night’s sleep.

This morning it was the most amazing breakfast – Belgian chocolate crepes at this amazing place with Sian (another new friend I sort of knew from the internet) and Alex and Fin and some of Alex’s friends and some people I didn’t know that I probably should have introduced myself to. It is difficult to be polite when you are starving and there are crepes covered in chocolate and strawberries and also there was tea. That is my excuse. I can probably introduce myself to them tomorrow or the next day, it’s that kind of environment.

Then I went to a Cryptic Crossword workshop – I thought I was going to hate it, but actually I kind of loved it. I’m not going to pretend that my brain didn’t break quite a few times, but there’s a real logic to cryptic crosswords, and a knack, and some fun little tricks, and once someone points them out to you they become more and more obvious. I took some notes, at one point I said “Crossword writers make me angry” and at another point someone else said “Words are so great”. I think those two things probably sum it up quite nicely. Afterwards, team awesome, which consisted of about 6 or 8 of us who’d just done the workshop (having never really done cryptic crosswords before) totally kicking the shit out of the giant cryptic crossword on the wall. Fuck yeah.

Sian and I went on an adventure to find hats for the ball tomorrow night. We were both rather successful, mine has silver sequins. Sian is also from Brisbane, and we have decided to encourage each other to op shop more often upon our return – because op shopping is rad. Yay for new friends.

Then I went to a workshop called “Building Fictional Worlds” which couldn’t have been more different to the Crossword one, yet just as fulfilling. It was a quiet, calm atmosphere and there were only a few of us there. We did writing exercises around building and creating and managing your own fictional world.  I was so surprised by the stuff that came out of my brain. I went it with a mind buzzing full of cryptic crossword clues and top hats and came out with pages and pages of notes about a world I had never thought of before. And it’s amazing how creating geography creates peoples and issues and tensions and hierarchies. My fictional world is a planet made out of space debris; it has 5 moons, one of which is made out of smashed together CD players. The magnetic poles are made of actual magnets.

"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus" - Mark Twain 

Right, so what then? Oh yeah. “Would you Rather” at the festival club, which was super fun and ridiculous, but I facebooked all about it, so I won’t repeat. Except to say that “It’s a load-bearing emu” is the best phrase I’ve heard in a long time. I think someone should start a band called The Load-Bearing Emus.

“Lizzy!” I hear you say, “what a packed and busy, amazing day, you must have been so tired you went and had a little nap!” Well, dear reader, thanks for essentially calling me a pussy. SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK and also, I still had a volunteer shift to do. So, 6pm rolled around and I switched back into tech mode. Only this time I actually had a good time, and felt useful. I helped Dale, whose role I’m not 100% clear on, to move sound equipment across 3 different venues. There was some total fail – we lugged speakers and a projector and a screen and a desk and a heap of other shit up rickety stairs only to be told half an hour later that it wasn’t needed, so lugged it all the way down again. Also an ironingboard is being used as a keyboard stand. Also one of the venues is someone’s house. ALSO I totally sprung Dale saying nice things about me on the phone to the Production Manager – so that was nice.

Vollies get one free meal for every shift they do – tonight I had a delicious steak in mushroom sauce with surprise mash potato hiding underneath it. Best.

Oh yeah, at some point in there I bought a belt, lost my EFTPOS card, found it again, met ANOTHER taxi driver – he used to live in New Farm, Brisbane and accidentally bought sparkling water only to tip it down a sink 5 minutes later.

Have I convinced you to come to TiNA next year yet? 

What about now?

Newcastle Adventure: Day 1

Well, I wasn’t sure if I was going to blog while I am here, but my adventure has been so excellent already, I just had to tell someone about it. Who better than the bloggeroos?

What is this wonderment? Read on...

I think I went into a bit of shock when I saw how tiny the plane was. It was tiny – not like a ‘4-seater, let’s just pop out to the island death trap’ tiny, but still… small. And the hostess didn’t even look at my ticket. I had this sudden panic that they were putting me on the wrong flight and I was going to end up somewhere bizarre and remote. It didn’t help that someone said the word “Charleville” right after I sat down. Who would want to go to Charleville I ask you? Oh that’s right, that’s where Boyfriend is going tomorrow for 7 weeks. I was pretty sad about that actually and when I got into my seat, I had a few little tears. But we then literally spent half an hour waiting to take off, and I didn’t want the lady next to me thinking I was crazy slash afraid of flying, so I dried my eyes and ate some candy. Good.

Upon arriving in Newcastle, I instantly struck up a friendship with my taxi driver, whose name is Kerry, and who has offered to be my personal driver for the week, should I need one. What? Is this real life? Does this happen? I have his mobile number, it’s so strange. And excellent.

Kerry didn’t know anything about TiNA, which was momentarily frightening, but every one else I’ve encountered so far has known instantly that I’m “here for the festival”. The guys who run the backpacker’s I’m at are awesome, and super chilled out. Which made me feel better when at first they couldn’t find my booking, and had also put someone else in my room. It’s ok, they kicked them out.

I went in search of the place I had to go for the volunteer induction. Couldn’t find it, asked someone: “oh, you’re here for the festival” – it wasn’t a question. Found it. Found out where I need to be tomorrow. Got a map and a *lanyard* (love a good lanyard) and went on my merry way. Busses are free on the main street until 6pm (fucking wow!) so I got one of those into the “city”. I’m not trying to be rude; I know what people from real cities think of Brisbane, but oh Newcastle, you so small!

I ate some Pad Thai and tossed up between my two options for the evening: drinking at the pub where I am staying, possibly meeting people, possibly drinking too many $3 drinks OR going to Avenue Q at the Civic Theatre. Tough choice, but I eventually decided on option 1 and began walking back, via the mall.

There were some people, and they were shouting. I briefly considered walking the other way in case they were youths who were going to harass me. But do you know who it was? Only the only person in Newcastle that I know, Alex and her brother, Fin. What is this? Some sort of fiction? Alex and I have never actually met before tonight, but why let such extraneous details get in the way?

There were other people, they led us to a red door beside a sign saying “construction site: do not enter”, we entered. Past a blowy vent, up a rickety stair and into this open, white walled, polished floored space. Suddenly, I was ripping pages from books, and making these:

I’m not really sure how that happened. We talked about Doctor Who and the festival and the relative merits of taping or stapling the cones.

It was the best introduction to TiNA and NYWF I could have hoped for.