33 Week Challenge Week 16: Make a kite that flies

The ancient art of kite making and flying is a beautiful thing. Before anyone ever worked out and recorded the physics and mathematics that go into making such a little thing fly so high, people worked that shit out in their heads and flew kites anyway.

It’s like when I was trying (badly) to do maths at school, and we were talking about parabolas. All these intense formulas and equations to work out parabolas, but anyone who has ever caught a ball as it comes down, knows how to intuitively calculate a parabola. Were the ancient kite makers the same? I’m genuinely asking, I haven’t done any research or anything. But did they just intuitively know how light and how strong a kite should be? Was it trial and error working out where the cross pieces should go? And those kites that look like dragons and stuff… amazing!

So, do you remember 2 blogs ago I said “next week I’m going to make a kite”? I note no one picked me up on it when I posted the knitting blog. “A scarf is not a kite”, not a single one of you uttered, “where the fuck is my kite?”, none of you said. Well, I *did* actually go out and buy all the things needed to make a kite. I now shop so regularly at the Mitre 10 up the street that the shop assistant there recognises me. We passed each other in Coles last week, he said hi. Anyway, I told him what I wanted to do and we discussed the relative merits of yarn over fishing line (I bought both…) and then I waited. It was Ekka week. Everyone who’s ever spent more than 2 years in Brisbane knows: it gets hella windy during Ekka week. Every year without fail. Until this year. Fail. There was a public holiday in the middle of the week, a perfect day, I thought, to make and fly a kite. But instead, it was kind of dreary and overcast and I decided to knit instead. It didn’t really ever get windy, and the drizzle turned to rain.

~But would I let my bloggeroos down? Hell no. I made a damn kite anyway. Now, I don’t know SHIT about maths or physics, and the whole idea completely daunted me, but for you, dear readers, I persisted. I found a website, I did the maths, I fucked it up and I tried again. I made a beautiful fucking kite, and then today… there was a slight gustiness to the air. ‘Could this be the day?’ I thought. I ventured out with my beautiful new kite. I went into New Farm park, and muttering, “screw what the couple making out on the grass think of me” I ran like a small child until my kite took flight. It tried to resist, but I knew best… and then. Then we were flying.

Here is a photo of my awesome kite:

Haha! That’s right. I’m a big fat liar. Everything from the ~ on is a big, fat lie. Remember how I said I would never lie to you? Yeah, that was a lie too. I do actually really want to do this challenge, but my life is really getting away from me at the moment. So many things! So many colds! So much TV to watch! I think I might like to write some other things on this too. Don’t worry – I’ll still be writing challenge blogs every Monday (even if I have to lie to get them done) but maybe later in the week sometimes I shall write about other things I think of, if I think of them.

When I do get around to making the kite, you shall all be the first to know. There is a massive piece of dowel in my room, as well as a small saw and all sorts of other bits and pieces, they shall glare at me until it is done. And I mean, when a saw is glaring at you in your own bedroom, you make the damn kite.

I had to cover my face. It's quite late. The zombie face has come out. Also, if you look really carefully, Disney characters are doing terrible things to each other in the picture behind me.

33 Week Challenge Week 15: Knit something and finish it.

Well, knitting (challenge no. 28, as suggested by Hilde)

It’s possible I’ve found my top boring-to-blog-about-unless-I-can-think-of-something-real-quick weekly challenge. First, I cast on, then, I knitted a row, THEN I pearled a row THEN I repeated the second and third thing, and then again, and again and again… after a while I changed colours. I mean… really. There’s only so much you can say. But let me take you back, deeeeep into my past, where this all began, and hopefully make something interesting of it.

You know how everyone has that teacher? That one amazing teacher who they will never forget? Well my primary school was populated by them. I had one shit teacher. And she was REALLY shit. It’s as if she got all the shit quotient to compensate for all the amazing teachers around her. I loved every single one of my other teachers, but there was only one Mrs. Pratt. She was the King, the President, the God of all the amazing teachers of my youth. Mrs. Pratt made me love geography, and reading, and writing – but also times tables and maths and other things I was hopeless at (it didn’t last, but still). She made me take pride in excellent grammar and spelling. She introduced me to a life-long love of random facts. Every week she would write 10 words on the blackboard and by every Friday we had to have researched those words to talk about. They were cryptic (for 9 year olds), and there was yet no such thing as Google, so you had to ask your mum and dad and your grandparents, you had to pull out dictionaries and encyclopeadias (HEY Microsoft word, don’t you dare tell me I spelt that wrong, I won the spelling competition in Mrs. Pratt’s grade 4 classroom with that word, I’ll fight you and your American ways!). If you were me, you pulled out your “Tell me Why?” and “Here’s More Tell Me Why?” books and you learned.

Mrs. Pratt taught my whole class how to finger spell, after we read “Helen Keller’s Teacher” together. This began yet another love of mine, and when I was 19 years old I went to TAFE to learn Auslan. She also, (and this is what this whole thing is leading up to, obviously) taught us how to knit. She had parent helpers, and we were divided into groups. And each week you learnt a new skill; knitting, sewing buttons, French knitting… and one other. I can’t remember it exactly… I think it had something to do with hammers and nails… I remember enjoying it immensely. My French knitting was 2 stories high by the end… we tested them by throwing them off the balcony.

So, I guess you could say, for a professional procrastinator, knitting is my ultimate, it’s the be all and end all… because, despite knowing how to knit since I was 9 years old, despite having fondest memories of learning how… I have never. Not once. In my whole life. Ever. Actually. Finished knitting. Anything. In fact, this afternoon as I was nearing the final row it dawned on me that I didn’t know how to finish! I youtubed it… it’s called binding off and is really easy, but the point is that having never made it that far… I’d never needed to know! Hilarious.

And now I have finished something! I cannot even describe to you how good about it I feel. Ok, yes, it’s  scarf, which is potentially the easiest thing ever to knit… but it’s a completed scarf, it is a scarf that is currently wrapped around my neck, and that is an achievement of the highest heights! I dedicate this scarf to Mrs. Pratt.

Funny story, we had a Mrs. Pratt, who was actually lovely, and a Mrs. Nice… who was also lovely. True story.

Photographs from the first knitting day:

We had to roll our own wool balls from those big loop things. It took some time. Here, Samara demonstrates how grateful we are to the wool gods, for their gift.

Here, I am demonstrating how this knot of wool looks a lot like a squid.

Hilde thinks it looks more like a wig.

 Scarf!

33 Week Challenge Week 14: The Hour of my Disconnect

Challenge Number 31: go a week without social networking sites.

Day 1 – Monday

4:30pmish – signed out of everything on my laptop

4:45pm – running late for a meeting, trying to sign out of everything on my phone while walking to a bus.  Holy crap! How do you sign out of twitter? I don’t even know! I’ve never actually done it.

4:50pm – on the slowest bus ever. I spur of the moment decide to just delete the apps from my phone. They sit there, wiggling at me, willing me, desperately to leave them be. But I delete them, furiously. And while I’m at it, I delete an infernal game that I have been addicted to for far too long, “Smurfs” – I suspect it’s like Farmville, except that the workers are blue. Honestly, it’s been ridiculous how addicted to it I am.

6:30pm – wish to write status “there are more interestingly dressed people on this bus than have ever been seen on Brisbane transport. Ever.” Don’t, obviously.

7:15pm – home from meeting, emails sent. Now what should I do? I know… I’ll write about the last 3 hours.

9:40pm just watched the Emma Thompson “Sense and Sensibility” for the first time. I wasn’t able to live tweet my experience so instead resorted to yelling “translations” at my housemates and friend, Mim. Also, I couldn’t stop laughing at things Mim said and wanted to facebook them. That’s my story.

Also, I had to sign in to facebook to get someone’s banking details they’d sent me in a message. I swear. I didn’t check anything, even though you bastards have already left me 11 notifications. GAH!

Day 2 – Tuesday

I had to log in to facebook again because I needed a photo I stupidly haven’t saved to my computer. So proud of myself, didn’t read anything, didn’t check any of the 1 million notifications. But still, it totally felt like cheating. It’s funny how much of my life is on that website, terrifying really.

On a less serious note, I’ve had the Macarena stuck in my head all day and I haven’t been able to get it in every one else’s head by occasionally tweeting “Aaaaay Macarena!” – well I guess I just did. Suck it bloggeroos of the future!

Meanwhile, I did everything on my to-do list AND am about to go for a run and there’s no one to validate my awesomeness. I think I might just start texting people on mass: “Hey friends, guess what? I did something kind of banal but I NEED YOU TO KNOW ABOUT IT IN MINUTE DETAIL!”

Day 3 – Wednesday

Today, I have actual withdrawals. Fidgeting, slight headache, and all I can think about is social networking. Seriously.

Day 4 – Thursday

Tragically – I’m kind of lonely. My housemates and boyfriend are really busy, and I don’t go to uni anymore and see one million people, so sometimes social networking is all I have. That’s not the sad part – I am so down with that. I love being a child of the digital era. But without it, yeah – I was lonely today. BUT THEN I saw a movie with Mim, who is amazing fun. That was pretty sweet. Plus people are texting me a lot more often this week so that’s kind of cool.

Also, also, on Tuesday I ran 3.5km and today I ran 4.5km. WITHOUT. STOPPING. I am kicking butts and taking names. I’ve also completed 2 to-do lists and finished some assessment for a certificate I am 6 months’ late to complete. So, it’s *possible*, I suppose, that social networking may, *at times* hinder me slightly. It’s worth noting, at least. For science.

Day 5 – Friday

I’ve been thinking today about that entry about being lonely. I’ve had as much, if not more social interaction with real humans this week. Definitely more, in fact - I’ve had two coffee dates, seen a movie, there was that Sense and Sensibility night, people keep texting me just to say something anecdotal or pleasant or whatever. And it’s been great. I think what I really meant was I was bored.  Sadly, yes, I clearly am getting confused between “lonely” and “bored” simply because I often stave off boredom by stalking friends, acquaintances and strangers on the internet, and this has made me think I am constantly socialising with people. This is not accurate. I quite like being alone, just so long as I can look at your photos from your overseas trip 3 years ago when I’m bored…

Day 6 – Saturday

I went to Toowoomba last night, and then picked up my little brother from a 5 week camp today out past Crow’s Nest. These are events I would usually like to document, but be frustrated that I couldn’t because a lot of the time I was out of internet range. But in this instance, I didn’t get frustrated even once, because I never intended to status about it in the first place.  Winner.

Day 7 – Sunday

I woke up this morning convinced that if today was the 7^th day, I must have miscalculated, and could definitely log back on tonight. But then I used my counting words/fingers and also some logic and realised that was far from correct. Obviously, when I said a week, I meant 7 full days, which means 4:30pm on Monday. The crushing disappointment!

No, not really. I’ve actually totally coped. And it’s fine. The one big thing I have gained this week is my mornings. I usually spend at least half an hour (usually more) on twitter and facebook in the mornings and am often late to work because of it. But not this week, I’ve been sleeping in! I’ve been ready on time! I got to work before the box office opened at least twice (achievement unlocked!) – this is a new and exciting thing for me. I am going to attempt to maintain it to a degree. The big problem is my twitter feed. I follow over 200 people, and it is very rare that I don’t see every single post from those accounts. As in, I check it last thing at night and then scroll through the last 8 hours worth in the morning. That is intense. And totally unnecessary. While I’m not about to stop checking my things in the morning (because I actually find it a nice way to start the day; connected, informed, and laughing at something Rob Delaney said) I don’t need to read everything. I have lists – why don’t I use them?!

Day 8 – Monday

Well there you go. Just under an hour to go and I feel fine! A successful challenge! And one of the easiest blogs to write.

I’ll sign back in at 4:30, but then I’m off to a meeting at 5:30 so I shall have to start trawling through all the exciting things I know you’ve left for me after that. And also post this blog! It’s weird, it’s like I’m talking to you from the past.

Also, this coming week I’m going to make a kite! Honestly, my life is so thrilling!

Lxx

33 Week Challenge Week 13: Make my own paper

Or, "How to Fail at (but have a great time while) Making Your Own Paper, a beginners guide"

You will need:

One pair of comfy pants (preferably owl flavoured)

Something to protect your carpet (given that you're using water later, you should DEFINITELY use cardboard, that makes perfect sense):

Something delicious to eat:

A good TV show to watch (I went with Torchwood, of course):

And this "Make your own paper" kit:

Now with added creepy children's faces for no good reason:

In the box, you will find all of this crap:

But you are missing a key feature, something to actually make the paper out of. On closer inspection of the instructions, you will find that you need to make paper OUT OF PAPER. So, go around your crappy share house and find any paper that you can.  Can't find much? Just use junk mail and envelopes from cards you received on your recent birthday!

If possible, use Umbridge's face:

Rip that shit up:

Put it in the bowl with some warm water. Stir it and let it soak until it looks like vomit:

Good. You're doing great! Now, realise that you were meant to put the plastic circle with the mesh in it first. Be irritated by this. Then, put the plastic circle and mesh contraption together, put it in the water, and then slide it under the paper bits like a ninja. You may need to swirl the paper around first so it's not all on the bottom. Pull the thing out. Now here's the tricky bit. Break the plastic circle. That's right, just sort of snap a little bit off it by forcing it too hard. That's the way. I know that's not on the instructions, but it's what all the pros do. Make sure you have ignored the bit that is in there about achieving an even spread of paper bits. Spill some water on your comfy pants. DON'T ASK QUESTIONS.

Take the mesh out of the contraption and put it on a tea towel, use the other half of the tea towel to fold over the top so it is all snug in there. Use the plastic roller thing to squeeze the water out. Break the roller. Throw it away in frustration. Leave over night. In the morning, as you left it in a damp patch in your kitchen like a tool, put it in the sun to dry. Make sure you leave it too long, so the pieces sort of come apart.

And now you're done! The finished "product" should look something like this piece of shit:

I know right?

Thanks for reading! Memo: This coming week's blog challenge is go without social networking sites for a week. So once I've posted this, no facebook, no twitter, no tumblr, no Google +, no blogger, no youtube, no nothing! See you on the other side bloggeroos! Feel free to spam me with things on all of those sites so I have something to liiiiiive foooor!

L x

P.S You can still donate to my fundraiser if you like! (Please do, otherwise the redcross might come and harvest my organs or something... they do that right?) http://fundraise.bridgetobrisbane.com.au/elizabeth_king_3

33 Week Challenge Week 12.5: Raise money for charity

Oh hi again. Blogging on a Tuesday! When will the madness end!

No, but I just realised I forgot to mention that to make up for not doing a challenge for Week 11, I actually did two challenges last week. The other one I did was to start raising money for charity. I am doing the Bridge to Brisbane, a 10km run of madness in September, and raising money for The Red Cross at the same time. So this is more a challenge for you than it is for me.

If you go to my fundraiser page you will see that the only person so far who has sponsored me is my mum. I mean, that's pretty excellent of her, but it kind of makes me look like that kid at school who gets their parents to sponsor them multiple times for the fun run under different names so that it looks like they have friends. Actually, I was that kid... except it was for the MS Readathon, because that's how I roll...

So, I would humbly and gratefully ask that if any of you have a little bit of money to donate, to please consider donating it, through me, to the red cross. I estimate I have about 50 regular blog readers, if you all gave $10, I would reach my goal! However, not everyone has dollars, or they do but they're already donating them. I totally get it. I would then hope that I might encourage you to donate blood instead. Maybe make that your own challenge for the month of August. HOWEVER, some people are mad cows, or are gay men, or are needle phobic. I totes understand... I mean I'm not any of those but I get it. In that case, I would ask that you pass my donation page link onto some of your richer friends, pass it around, let's get some donation action happening!

Finally, you'll see that my mum has written "run baby run" in the comment section of her donation. I challenge any donators to write me a fun spin on this eg. "run lizzyish run" "run fatty run" "see Lizzy run" etc... until it makes an amusing Doctor Seuss-esque poem.

That link again is : http://fundraise.bridgetobrisbane.com.au/elizabeth_king_3 and I thank you all so much.

(No picture today, I'm ill in bed and my hair looks like a crazy person is cultivating a garden in it)

33 Week Challenge Week 12: Go rock climbing

So I celebrated week 11, and being a third of the way through the 33 week challenge by not doing one. I know, I’m now regularly breaking the first rule of blogging, which is don’t talk about blogging always keep content new and exciting so that readers are rewarded for continually checking back. Oh yes, there’s rules of blogging, didn’t you know? I am knowledgeable in, if not good at sticking to, these things now.

However, I DID DO a challenge this week! Oh my god! Amazing! Stop the presses and other stupid clichés no one has ever said! To no one’s surprise as it’s in the title, I went rock climbing this week with my mate and rock climbing buddy, Chris (not the same Chris as sunrise Chris – I’m collecting them).

Let me tell you a little something about climbing harnesses… while wearing one, everyone, male or female, looks like they have a penis. And that penis does not look comfortable. I imagine for the people who do have penises, the experience was a lot more painful than for myself, but still, I did have to endure a temporary sex change, so there’s that. Anyway, all harnessed up and wearing uncomfortable shoes, Chris and I headed off for an induction. This was unnecessary for Chris, as he is a pro, and frightening for me, as it only lasted about 4 minutes. The actual climbing part of the induction was fine. You know, tie this knot, climb a thing, lean back, don’t die. The bit of the induction that worried me was the belaying part, the part where I had Chris’ life (or at least his unfractured bones) in my hands. I think there was a moment when this also dawned on Chris. I think that moment was when he was as high as he could go on the induction wall. Spoilers: he didn’t die. I know, it would have made a more dramatic story, sorry.

So, shortest induction ever, but they all seemed to know what they were doing… and there was padding on the floor, I assume to protect us, not the floor.

Chris and I headed to the walls. There is a colour coding system; there’s heaps and heaps of foot/hand holds, but you’re meant to choose one colour and stick to it aaaaaall the way up. Each colour is more difficult than the last, smaller holds, further apart etc. I can’t remember the actual colour coding but this is how I interpreted it:

Yellow – Lizzy, you saw a very tiny child climbing this one, you should not, under any circumstances, be seen climbing the yellow ones.

Blue – Yes. You are a beginner. You should do this one and see if you can move up to purple later.

Purple – Never mind, you cannot move up to purple, ever.

Green – Chris can do this one. He is pro. Look at him go, like some sort of spider, or a monkey... actually a spider monkey is really accurate.

Red – NO

Black – no one can ACTUALLY climb this one. Don’t be silly. Oh my god, except that guy! He must be a wizard.

So yeah, blue it was for me. I was all over the blue. I was the bluest of the blue. ROCKIN the blue! Yeah! And then I tried a slightly more difficult blue climb. I got about ¾ of the way up and then… stopped. Chris was all “use your legs Lizzy! The legs!” And I was all “uuuuurrrrrgh” and “I have no legs, I am an amputee now”. I wish I could tell you some inspirational tale, you know, Eye of the Tiger started playing, and I found the inner strength and determination to pull myself up that last metre or so. But actually what happened was I whinged a bit and then Chris belayed me down.

So yeah, there isn’t much else to tell – we climbed, Chris better than me. And then we left. It was great fun, and because I was new, they gave me card to get me to come back for free in the next week. I hope I find some time to do that, but we’ll see. I highly recommend it, and I also highly recommend taking a buddy. In fact, you pretty much have to have a buddy, it’s a two person thing. It’s great if, like Chris, they know what they’re doing, but you could try it with someone who doesn’t know either; lose your rock climbing virginities together… romantic. We went to Urban Climb on Montague Road in West End. It cost me $30 for gear, shoes, membership and climbing and you can climb for as long as you want.

Chris took a photo of my ass me climbing, which was disturbing because it meant he took one of his hands of the belay, but then I did ask him to do it so yeah, enjoy:

 Leave comments bloggeroos! So I know you are not spambots trawling the internet for photos of my butt xx