So before I became a Game of Thrones nut,
long before Doctor Who became my thing, I was a Harry Potter fanatic. I mean,
yeah, so was every other child in the world, but I feel this warrants a mention.
Why? Because there’s a new Harry Potter film coming out. That's right, a new one. The answer
to all of our prayers. And I’m pretty fucking keen, yo.
This film will be based on the for-charity
add-on book Fantastic Beasts and Where to
Find Them which is a text book referenced in the novels about magical
creatures. Sounds boring, right? MY GOD ARE YOU WRONG THERE, FRIEND. First up,
important to note is that J.K. Rowling herself is writing it, which means that
it won’t be Steve Kloved to death, i.e. it will be a good adaptation. Secondly,
it’s actually going to be about the wizard who researched and wrote the book,
Newt Scamander and it’s set in 1920s New York. 1920s Magic New York. I don’t
know how if it’s possible for me to be more excited about this.
I just read the book for the first time (I
know, I know, I honestly don’t know how I hadn’t read it yet, please don’t
revoke my fandom license), so here are my predictions for what we will see in
the film.
1.
Slapstick galore – Newt will
hit a fantastic beast with a kettle, this will happen.
2.
Montage of incredibly boring
beasts.
3.
A 1920s flapper love interest,
yessssss so excited.
4.
Amazing New York version of/ answer to Diagon Alley, big sweeping shots of magical shops and wonder.
5.
Haharr aren’t Americans so
funny with their funny ways?
6.
Haharr aren’t British people so
quaint with their quaint ways?
7.
Newt’s love interest will help
him with unicorns, and he will thus discover that they prefer witches to
wizards.
8.
Mountain climbing.
9.
Underwater scene in glorious,
eerie green hues.
10. Dragons. Awesome, angry,
fiery, spiky dragons.
11. Dumbledore appearance. Which I would be excited about except film
Dumbledore is awful. “HARRYDIDYAPUTYANAMEINDAGOBLADEFIYAH?!?!”
12. Perhaps a McGonagall appearance. Animagi aren’t beasts, they’re witches/wizards, but maybe that will be somehow relevant.
13. It is too early for a Hagrid appearance, unless the film spans a
number of decades. If it does, there’ll be a young Hagrid appearance and that
would be awesome.
14. Magic New York! I can’t emphasise enough how exciting this is for
me. Discovering the world of HP was always some of the best stuff in those
books, so we get to do that all over again. There’ll be secret entrances to
magical places in Times Square, and fun muggle interactions in Central Park.
15. OMG there’ll be magical beasts in Central Park that is brilliant.
16. Jo Rowling cameo? That might be wishful thinking.
17. Newt Scamander will be a white dude. Let’s get that out of the way
now. And people will be mad about it. I’m offering no opinion on the matter,
just stating facts. Also if he isn’t a white dude people will be mad about that
too. People are just generally mad about things, to be honest.
18. Loch Ness monster will feature as a major plot point perhaps? Or the
yeti? Memory charms and misinformation and all that stuff will be explored.
19. From now on, fan fiction will involve a lot more time travel to
facilitate cross-overs between the two eras. And lots and lots of Harry/Newt
fics. So much. More than you can possibly comprehend. It’s already started, I
am very confident about that.
20. This will be the first in a series of film spin offs. I’m predicting
that we’ll get Quidditch through the Ages
as well as (fingers crossed) one day, a Marauder era film. Or even, and I
know I’m just getting giddy now, a second generation (i.e. the trio’s kids)
film. And this is why I’m so excited people. It will never die. HARRY POTTER,
THE FILM FRANCHISE THAT LIVED.
Starting next week we’re going to have a
few guests joining us. First up will be Alex Neill, who has very generously
agreed to do the first guest post for me next Sunday. Stay tuned.
