33 Week Challenge Week 13: Make my own paper

Or, "How to Fail at (but have a great time while) Making Your Own Paper, a beginners guide"

You will need:

One pair of comfy pants (preferably owl flavoured)

Something to protect your carpet (given that you're using water later, you should DEFINITELY use cardboard, that makes perfect sense):

Something delicious to eat:

A good TV show to watch (I went with Torchwood, of course):

And this "Make your own paper" kit:

Now with added creepy children's faces for no good reason:

In the box, you will find all of this crap:

But you are missing a key feature, something to actually make the paper out of. On closer inspection of the instructions, you will find that you need to make paper OUT OF PAPER. So, go around your crappy share house and find any paper that you can.  Can't find much? Just use junk mail and envelopes from cards you received on your recent birthday!

If possible, use Umbridge's face:

Rip that shit up:

Put it in the bowl with some warm water. Stir it and let it soak until it looks like vomit:

Good. You're doing great! Now, realise that you were meant to put the plastic circle with the mesh in it first. Be irritated by this. Then, put the plastic circle and mesh contraption together, put it in the water, and then slide it under the paper bits like a ninja. You may need to swirl the paper around first so it's not all on the bottom. Pull the thing out. Now here's the tricky bit. Break the plastic circle. That's right, just sort of snap a little bit off it by forcing it too hard. That's the way. I know that's not on the instructions, but it's what all the pros do. Make sure you have ignored the bit that is in there about achieving an even spread of paper bits. Spill some water on your comfy pants. DON'T ASK QUESTIONS.

Take the mesh out of the contraption and put it on a tea towel, use the other half of the tea towel to fold over the top so it is all snug in there. Use the plastic roller thing to squeeze the water out. Break the roller. Throw it away in frustration. Leave over night. In the morning, as you left it in a damp patch in your kitchen like a tool, put it in the sun to dry. Make sure you leave it too long, so the pieces sort of come apart.

And now you're done! The finished "product" should look something like this piece of shit:

I know right?

Thanks for reading! Memo: This coming week's blog challenge is go without social networking sites for a week. So once I've posted this, no facebook, no twitter, no tumblr, no Google +, no blogger, no youtube, no nothing! See you on the other side bloggeroos! Feel free to spam me with things on all of those sites so I have something to liiiiiive foooor!

L x

P.S You can still donate to my fundraiser if you like! (Please do, otherwise the redcross might come and harvest my organs or something... they do that right?) http://fundraise.bridgetobrisbane.com.au/elizabeth_king_3