Dirty Hipster

Anatomy of 50% of a Hipster

Hipsters, what even are they?

When I was a teenager, the dominant non-mainstream mainstream culture was Emo. Everything was a little bit Emo, from Emos themselves, to TV shows, to music, to the kind of clothes they sold at Supré.

And now it’s Hipsters. You can buy really cheap, crap vintage-esque clothes from Supré, and all the cool music is kinda Folky. It’s just unfortunate because one of the main strongholds of the Hipster culture is that it’s about being into stuff before other people discovered it, which is tricky considering we are all, now, in a small way, a total Hipster.

You might think you’re not a hipster, but you are. And the best bit? If you think you’re not, if you think you’re cooler than the mainstream… THAT MAKES YOU A HIPSTER. It’s an awful, hilarious, cycle of sockless feet and doom.

The Hipster Culture is really good for people like me. There have been AT LEAST a hundred occasions where I have left the house with the thought “oh Jesus I can’t be seen in this cardigan that I bought 8 years ago from Target, it has giant buttons and mismatching patterns OH NO WAIT that kind of shit is cool now phew”.  Like, the actual Hipster Culture is for cool kids, for people who like to be on the front line of new things and fashion and shit like that. BUT I think the real reason it has taken off so hard is that it allows for a lot of not so cool people, like me, to sneak in there through the cracks in our ugly, comfy clothes.  I really like wearing handmade brooches, have done for some time, apparently that’s cool now. Also, I always wanted to buy vintage dresses because I thought they looked nice, but I was too chicken. NOW it’s a cool thing to do and I can get away with it really easily, and people compliment me on my dowdy, mega-super-comfy, really cheap dresses that I secretly only bought because they had pockets.

Meanwhile, Hipsters are reviving lots of 90s stuff WHICH IS GREAT because it’s basically just nostalgia town for people who grew up in the 90s. Like it’s cool to be into Pokemon again, and it’s cool to love silly movies and it’s cool to wear Disney clothes and it’s cool to go to Hanson concerts. So basically, all of us sneaky hipsters don’t actually have to try that hard to be cool. We just have to reminisce for a moment and then we’re super awesome.

I’m just looking forward to the time when it’ll be Hipster to be Emo. DOMINANT NON-MAINSTREAM MAINSTREAM INCEPTION.

12 Things I do that my Teenaged Self would Judge me for

Art.

1.     I wear clothes that are fashionable because they are fashionable. Of course, I also wear really ugly shit, and stuff that I like, that no one else in their right mind would wear, but I do that for me, not to prove a point. The point is I try to look nice on a regular basis, and Teenaged Lizzy would think that was the height of conformity (a bad thing, obviously).

2.     I like stuff because other people are into it. See point 1.

3.     Social Media. Not only do I use it, I LOVE it. Facebook didn’t exist when Teenaged Lizzy was around, but if it had, you can rest assured she would’ve thought it was stupid. Teenaged Lizzy’s boyfriend got a Myspace once, and a few weeks’ later he was no longer her boyfriend. THOSE THINGS WERE NOT RELATED – but someone asked if it was. For real, they thought she’d broken up with him because he joined Myspace. What does that say about Teenaged Lizzy, huh?

4.     I drink alcohol. Older Teenaged Lizzy was well on board with this one, but younger Teenaged Lizzy definitely thought getting drunk was the WORST thing in the ENTIRE world.

5.     I’ve don't hate drugs. WHAT! Teen Lizzy would’ve flat out refused to believe this. Teen Lizzy (Teen Wolf?) was the most irritating person in the entire world about drugs. “Is _____ going to be there? I can’t come to the party then, in case he brings drugs.” TEEN LIZZY IF ­­­_____ BRINGS DRUGS GO TO A DIFFERENT ROOM OR LEAVE DON’T MAKE THE HOST FEEL BAD FOR INVITING THEIR FRIEND OMG.

6.     I respect my parents’ opinions. And I don’t just mean in that “yes mum, whatever you say, mum” kind of way. I mean like, if I have an emotional issue, I call my mum to talk about it because she knows me really well and is wise and clever. And my dad is my go to guy for life decisions like purchasing cars or insurance and what have you. Also cooking. They know things. I proactively seek their opinions on those things.

7.     I don’t believe in God. That’s right, Teen Lizzy, all your holier-than-thou shit is going to look even stupider in a few years when I throw in the towel on the whole Catholic thing and take up full time Atheism.

8.     I exercise and eat well. What up Teen Lizzy, being healthy isn’t lame ok, it’s a good thing that means I don’t get sick all the time like you do.

9.     I forgive people for their mistakes. Teen Lizzy, your love/friendship isn’t so important that people should have to be perfect in order to earn it. If they can say “sorry”, you can say, “no worries”.

10. I eat avocados. They are the fruit of the gods. I don’t know what you were smoking, Teen Lizzy, to think they weren’t delicious (though I think we can all assume it wasn’t drugs).

11. I write funny things, because, Teen Lizzy, you don’t make friends with bad poetry about emotions.

12. I have embraced the Inner Nerd you tried to keep hidden for so long, Teen Lizzy, she’s nice and she has good t-shirts, I wish you’d let her out earlier.

13. I have internet friends because internet friends are good, and guess what Teen Lizzy? YOU’RE A NERD, ACCEPT IT!