Self-Indulgent Rubbish - Guest Post by Alex Neill

Today's Guest Post is by Alex Neill, thanks so much to Alex for writing the first in a series of blogs by a number of wonderful guests.

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Recently I’ve been reading the comics of Lucy Knisley because I luv her and she is great. Yesterday I finished ‘Radiator Days’, a self-published collection of miscellaneous comics that she wrote over a two year period while at grad school.

When I went to rate it on Goodreads (four stars, would recommend) I discovered that several people had given it no stars. Or rather, to quote, “I am giving this book one star because according to Goodreads that means I didn’t like it. And I did not like it”. Wow lady, that’s an articulate and well-thought out review you got there. A number of other reviews agree with this lady’s assertion that this book is whiney and self-indulgent. Apparently it’s all first-world-problems and “waaah why can’t I have a moped”.

Well guess what? I relate to that shit. And if worrying about the instability of a career in the arts is self-indulgent, then that’s what I am. (Also Lucy Knisley does not just want a moped, she actually buys a moped online but does not receive a working moped. Thus she has both no money AND no moped. That is tragic you guys.)

Over on my blog this week, I wrote about memory and Doctor Who. While writing that piece it occurred to me that a lot of the emotions I was talking about were self-indulgent. So I was slightly miserable while having Christmas in England a couple of years ago? Boohoo. I also got to make snowmen in a blizzard. I had no real reason to be sad and, looking back, I realise that a lot of that sadness was pretty misguided. It’s easy to look at those emotions and think: “What are you complaining about? That problem is tiny. Suck it up.”

But I think sometimes it’s important to remember that there was a time when those feelings did matter. I don’t regret missing my school formal because I was in Italy, of course I don’t. But at the time I was a sad not to be there and I missed my friends on the other side of the world. Boxing Day that year I wallowed in homesickness and actual sickness while eating leftover turkey and watching Top Gear. I remember lying on the couch thinking over and over and over again that I did not want to fly to Spain. I didn’t want to get up at some ridiculous time the following morning and catch yet another plane. I didn’t want to go to another country, I wanted to go home.

That is quite obviously, a stupid thing to think. I ended up loving Spain, completely. The homesickness evaporated in light of their food and their maritime museums. I had the most amazing time. But I didn’t know any of that on that day in snowy Winchester.

Homesickness is an irrational emotion. And I think that a lot of the emotions that seem really dumb in retrospect fall into that category. They’re not the emotions we can rationalise or explain, we just feel them. And sometimes we feel them an awful lot.

Right now I spend an awful lot of my time worrying about the future. I’m about the finish university and next year I’m moving to Melbourne and (hopefully) getting a job. I worry about moving and packing and finding a place to live. I worry about making new friends and losing old ones. But most of all I worry about finding a job doing what I love. Maybe in twenty years I’ll look back and wonder why these thoughts occupied such a huge portion of my time. I hope so. That’ll mean the worries were ultimately unfounded.

And maybe Lucy Knisley’s work will be different when I re-read it ten or twenty years from now. Maybe I’ll be able to see a little of what those one-star reviewers are talking about. But I like to think I’ll be able to read them and remember what it feels like now, remember why these feelings mattered. Because, even all the way in the future, it will still matter a little bit if only because it matters now.

Alex Neill blogs at Adventures in TV-Land and tweets @paper_bag_girl. She doesn't like carrots or writing bios.

PPOM - A Dirty Word

It is my firm opinion that ‘Feminism’ is a dirty word for a reason. It’s not that it’s become obsolete, and so any proponents of it are irritating shrews who don’t know when to stop flogging a dead horse. It’s not that Feminists are crazy, bra-burning man-haters, and it’s not that they ‘take it too far’ and want to run the world and make men irrelevant. In fact, all of those opinions (unfortunately held by too many people) are insidious, clever ways to undermine Feminism.

Feminism challenges the system. And to defend itself, the system has demonised and tarnished Feminism so that no one is quite sure why we ever needed Feminism in the first place. It’s no accident that I heard the word Feminist in a negative light, as an insult, long before anyone ever told me what being a Feminist is actually about. Whether aware of it or not, society doesn’t want young girls (or boys for that matter) to be Feminists, society doesn’t want people to challenge it, or tell it it’s wrong, or change it. Society wants to stay the way it’s always been thank you very much, and those who challenge it will be crushed with the mighty fist of injustice.

I’ve not used the word ‘sexism’ yet. Why is that? There is no doubt in my mind that the world is filled with sexism, but many would not agree. When we hear the word ‘sexism’ we tend to think of a time gone by, when women were lesser by law, when the men worked and the women raised children, when a man could beat his wife and be protected by law and by society, when women had to leave work if they got married, where sexual harassment and assault were “normal” parts of a workplace. For the purposes of this rant, I’m not going to get into the fact that all of this still happens. But people who argue against Feminism will say that we succeeded against all of this with laws and policy changes many years ago. But I disagree, I think it’s just become more subtle. When Feminism was fighting against blatant sexism, it was easier to point to acts and condemn them. Look, this firm has no women in it; look, this woman was beaten; look, this law is discriminatory. Feminists from that era will almost certainly disagree with me, and that’s fine, but I feel like sexism is so much more insidious nowadays, and that makes Feminism, and what it even is, even harder to understand.

Sexism manifests itself in music, in advertising, on our screens and in our books. All it takes is a quick skim of @everydaysexism on twitter to convince you that it’s still happening IRL as well. But you tell someone you’re a Feminist and you’re bound to get questions. “But why?” “Why not call yourself an equalist?” “Isn’t Feminism unnecessary now?” You have to be on the defence straight away. It should be as normal as anything. Of course we all support women’s rights. Of course we want to eliminate sexism. But it’s not. Feminism is a dirty word. Right now I think it’s dirtier than ever. And why is that? Because we still live in a patriarchal society. Because sexism is still the norm, because there are still gender roles we are afraid to change, because a society without sexism confuses and scares us. We still tell our little girls they should be pretty above all else. We still tell our little boys not to cry. We still expect boys will be better at maths and sport, we still think women who don’t want babies are weird. And Feminism challenges all of that.

If you think Feminism is a dirty word, think about why. Think about the society you live in. How is Feminism portrayed in the media? Who controls how you perceive sexism and equality? Is it the people who benefit from a patriarchal society (and I’m not just talking about men here, for the record)? Is it newspapers and Hollywood and government? Yeah, I’m bordering on a conspiracy theory here, but I think it’s legit. The system works. The system knows how to stifle challengers.

The system wants you to hate Feminism.

 

Trying to find the original source for this, if you know it, pls tell me.

August is Potentially Problematic Opinions Month. Led by Alex from Adventures in TV-Land, a bunch of bloggers will tell you about opinions they hold that might piss you off, or make you think, or be so obvious you can’t believe anyone would think them problematic, opening your eyes to a whole world of people who don’t agree with you. This is my description, by the way, and it’s possible that Alex has a completely different one. Ooooooh Potentially Problematic!

I feel like I have been sharing a lot of my opinions lately. So in some ways, thinking up opinions to blog about has been a bit tricky. And in other ways, this should be the easiest thing in the world for me, she who cannot stop telling everyone her opinions. Today’s rant kind of makes me sound like a conspiracy theorist, though, so that’s new. 

What else is happening in PPOM? (will be updated with links as they happen)

Alexandra Neill has written about how her views on feminism have changed over the last year, and how no one should be made to feel like a "bad feminist".

Britt Aylen has written about how she's a feminist who is writing a screenplay that doesn't pass the Bechdel Test.

Jessica Broadbent has written about classic books that actually aren't worth reading. 

Want to get involved? Click here. 

If you're feeling a bit overwhelmed by opinions, next week I'm going to write about crumpets...