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| Clearly that is stained glass... |
Internet is the new religion.
We worship at altars named Safari and
Chrome and Firefox daily, and some old-fashioned people still worship at an old
decrepit relic known as Internet Explorer. We connect through personal
reflection on smart phones every few hours.
Personally, I live in the way of the
Internet; everything I do is of the Internet, for the Internet and to the glory
of the Internet. I love it and it loves me. Sometimes, the Internet punishes me
for reasons I don’t quite understand. I do not question when the Internet shows
me unending cat gifs or Sherlock/Watson fanfic, for the Internet moves in
mysterious ways. The Internet knows best.
I pay a part of my monthly income to the
Internet and it forms a part of my professional, social and family lives.
Without it I am lost, wandering in the desert, helpless.
Trolls and cyber bullies try to misuse
the Internet. They start holy flame wars and try to blame their problems on the
Internet. But the Internet can be used for good; for charity, for helping
others and raising awareness. It can be used to spread love and joy, happiness
and fun. This is the true way of the Internet, and those who walk in the light
know this in their hearts and hard drives.
The Internet is not like most, modern
religions; it celebrates sex and sexuality. In fact it’s kind of pagan in its
worship of all things sex.
The Internet has its own community of
worshippers, brought together by the glory of the Internet, to bask in its love
and share its joy with one another. I have many friends with whom I share a
deep connection due to our shared love of the Internet. We met through the
Internet, and worship daily together.
I am zealous in my conversion of others.
I will enthusiastically show them videos and pictures when we meet IRL (In Real
Life – a sad existence sans Internet) and discuss the merits of my favourite
ways to worship – Twitter, Tumblr, my blog. I am always glad and excited when I
help someone to become even closer to the Internet. And the Internet rewards me
when I do this by giving me a new follower, a new person to interact with, a
new reader.
The Internet is open to interpretation,
and is its own holy text.
The Internet sent a prophet to us, his
name is Stephen Fry and he is the one, true embodiment of the Internet.
The Internet’s most holy ritual is the
scrolling through and checking of one’s entire feed.
The Internet’s most holy image changes
regularly, as it is the Google Home Page.
The Internet’s most holy animal is the
cat.
All hail the Internet.
