 |
| Butts. They sure are nice. But is there more to life? |
Ladies. What are they even?
This seems to be a question on a lot of
people’s minds at the moment. From female volleyballers being treated as butts with athletic ability, to our Prime Minister being likened to a bovine, people
have been wondering whether ladies are real, and if they are, whether they are
the same as normal humans.
See now, feminism is a nasty and dangerous
thing, isn’t it? It’s all screaming and bra burning and making men feel bad for
having a penis. Feminazis, I think is the official term here. Because of
course, fighting for equality is definitely the same as brutally interning
millions of people and then working and gassing them all to death. It’s just
like that.
No wait, no it’s not. That’s right. Sorry,
I’m always getting confused between equality and genocide.
Every single person should be a feminist.
Whether you’ve got a vagina or a penis, or both, or neither or WHATEVER.
Because if you say you’re not a feminist, you’re saying you don’t think
everyone should be treated equally. Men
should feel they are allowed to be feminists. Women should feel they are
allowed to be feminists. It’s not something any one group of people owns. It’s
not a dirty word. It’s something we’re all responsible for. I don’t say I’m not
into the abolishment of slavery because I’m not black.
And if I did, you’d call me racist.
Take the example of the volleyballers. It’s
not that they don’t have nice butts, or that men should feel bad for looking at
those butts. Butts are nice, ok? Everyone likes a good butt. If you happen to
get distracted during a game of beach volleyball by the butts of some of the
players, well, that’s a pretty normal thing. But those players are very
excellent sports people. They have trained for an exceedingly long time to get
to where they are, and are very good at their sport of choice. Most
importantly, they are humans, and they should be treated with respect. And it
is all of our responsibilities to criticise photographers who publish photos of
their bodies with no faces, and don’t even identify the players in the photos.
And when they say, “it’s what the people want!” we should all say, “no it
isn’t!” And refuse to buy magazines or frequent websites that display photos
like that to prove it.
Sometimes people say that equality has been
reached, that we need to stop whingeing about this stuff and move on to more
important things. And to that I say,
1.
no it hasn’t
2.
multitask
It’s the same with marriage equality. “Why
are we bothering about gay marriage? Shouldn’t we be worrying about
homelessness or the economy?”
1.
because equality
2.
when was the last time you
cared about the economy?
3.
multitask
So anyway, I live in quite a conservative
town, and sometimes people say things about ladies that make me want to stab
them. And it’s difficult sometimes to call them out or challenge them, because,
well because it’s a small town and unless you’ve lived in one it’s pretty hard
for me to explain what it feels like. But I try to lead by example, and I try
to tell stories from my own life, about electric drills and driving and how my
partner cooks food and how you know, we both do stuff that interests us whether
it’s video games or theatre or whatever. Why?
1.
because equality
