Review: Crazy Days - Your Man Alex Smith

When my friend Alex asked me to review his debut album I was like, “wah? You want me to do what now?” I’ve reviewed books before, and that was friggin hard, and I’ve reviewed comedy shows before, and that was also friggin hard, so I agreed wholeheartedly because I’m a numpty.

Alex has been making music under the name Your Man Alex Smith for some time now. He’s been doing live gigs and he’s been working his butt off to fund the recording of his EP. And I’ve not seen him perform once because we no longer live in the same town. Soz bro.

No but it has actually been a bit of an embarrassment to me, because Alex has always been super supportive of my endeavours, once gave up his time to act for free in a thing I wrote/made and once drew this picture of Boyfriend and me…

Basically Alex is a winner. So *that’s* why I agreed to review his album. Even though I don’t know what I’m doing. Even though I am super lame about music. Even though I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING. Ok, let’s get into it.

**Crazy Days - Your Man Alex Smith**

Tragedy

The album opens with a really upbeat song about tragedy. In fact it’s a song about tragedies being “hidden behind a happy melody” – this is super meta, yo. It *almost* borders on being a comedy song. It’s not, but it employs a healthy dose of irony and I love it.

Alex has a super clear voice. It’s all about the vocals in this track. There’s great stuff in the background (drums and guitars and what not… lol music reviewing?) but you can’t help but focus on the really nice stuff Your Man is doing with his voice.

You know who Your Man Alex Smith reminds me of actually? Hank Green. That’s a massive compliment, by the way because yeah, Hank.

Gingerbread Man

Not the gumdrop buttons!

This song starts a lot slower than “Tragedy” which is nice after the upbeat craziness of the first track. In saying that, it’s probably my least favourite on the album. Not like, it’s bad or anything, but if I had to rank them in order in a life or death situation, I’d put “Gingerbread Man” at the end. What kind of life or death situation would include ranking tracks on a friend’s album? I really don’t know why I said that.

There’s a nice little bit about running as fast as you can ala the titular fairy tale. In fact there’s quite a few nice metaphors and motifs. Honestly there’s nothing wrong with this song, I just feel like I can’t be 100% complimentary or this won’t look like a legit review (yeah, THAT’S the problem).

Dream Girl

Blue eyes, blonde hair – nothing too exciting there/ But just go a little deeper.

Thought I’d found the girl of my dreams/ And I’m a heavy sleeper.

I would like to conclude from the first few lines of this song that Alex is super good at lyrics. I shall conclude that, yes, because it just keeps going. This whole song is so well written, like damn son, those are some good words you put together there. It’s a song about the girl of his dreams, like his actual dreams. It’s great. You guys should really listen to this album.

Tell Me a Lie

Oh lord the rhythm in this is magic. Also I’ve just learned I don’t know how to spell the word rhythm. But back to the music. I say ‘magic’ because the vocals in Tell Me a Lie use the natural pattern in the lyrics to create this awesome rhythm that just makes you move. It’s like Alex is pulling you in. And because I don’t understand how he’s done it, I’m going to assume it is magic.

This is my favourite song on the album. This is my favourite song I’ve heard in ages. This is a really good song. I feel like I’m doing it a disservice by not going into more detail, but I don’t know what else to say… it’s just brilliant.

Where I’m Going

These boots are lined with lead/ the words you said are etched inside.

And while they’re hard to lift/ they were a gift, I’ll wear them with pride.

Is this a song about shoes? I think this might be a song about shoes. And I’m glad because there aren’t enough love songs about inanimate objects in the world. Ok, no, this is actually a really nice serious song and I think I might be ruining it. Shhhhh Lizzy.

This song really showcases Alex’s voice and also his gift for melody. It’s a really beautiful song with a haunting undertone of something much deeper and darker. Urgh, are you guys seriously not going to get this album? Because you are missing out.

Bonus Track – Tell Me a Lie A Cappella version

There’s a bonus track at the end that is an a cappella version of Tell Me a Lie, which is really exciting because I have decided it is my favourite track on the album and now I have two copies of it. And remember how I said the vocals were flippin awesome? Well guess what a cappella is losers?? It’s ONLY VOCALS so yeah it’s the best bit of the best one. Magic. Actual magic. How do singing? How do music?

And most relevant to me… how do reviewing?

So I know this was a little different, thanks for reading, and I do hope you check out Your Man Alex Smith. You can find his website here, his facebook here, and he is launching this album at The Zoo in Brisbane on March 1^st  so check out either of those links for more details on that and how you can get the album. I would recommend liking his facebook page because that’s how I stay up to date with things because we live in a modern world where we feel super free but actually owe most of our social interactions to a multinational megacompany that sells our data for money. Crazy Days.

It's the name of the album. #comedy

Getting my Make Up Done in a Shopping Centre - A Review

We are in a shopping centre in Toowoomba, looking for clothes that might help us stay warm during our impending UK trip when it happens. I stop for just a second too long when the man selling makeup in one of those middle-of-the-aisle shops tries to talk to me. I say to Boyfriend, “hang on, do you mind if I just…” and suddenly my life is no longer in my control.

The man takes me by the hand, “let me show you how good it is” he says in an accent I can’t pick and then, look down, look up, I am sitting down in one of those makeup chairs and Boyfriend is making “what is happening?” eyes and I am making “I’m not really sure” eyes and the makeup guy is making “ca-ching!” eyes and we all silently acknowledge that I’m about to spend a lot of money.

“Do you have dry or oily skin?”

I have neither but I don’t want to seem rude, so I tell him that it is dry. He gives me some moisturiser to put on as I silently contemplate why I think it would be rude to say, “hello my skin is kind of ok?”

Then he examines my face and chooses a shade of foundation that will go with it. This is the real reason I stopped long enough for this to happen in the first place. I’ve never bought foundation before (not real stuff, anyway) and I want to stop looking like an incompetent child when I paint my face for special occasions.

He begins to apply the crushed up rock (mineral foundation grrrrl) to one side of my face and I try not to stare at his nose pimple that is basically 100% in my eye line. About 2 minutes in I start to panic that he’s going to leave me half made up unless I pay him and then he makes that exact joke and I am relieved, but also completely aware of how much I am being had right now.

I googled "make up half face" and was pleased with the results.

He’s finished, and he uses a handheld mirror to show me small sections of my face. “You see how blotchy it is on this side? How smooth it is on the other?” Yes, thanks guy. In truth the makeup is really nice, and feels excellent and he also drops in a few lines about not being tested on animals etc. but still, the shame tactics are A+.

After evening me up, we begin to discuss blush. I tell him I have literally never worn blush in my life (I don’t think, anyway) and, undeterred, he goes on a small rant about how ‘feminine’ is too feminine when it comes to blush. I don’t want pink, oh no, he says, that is much too feminine, but I’m also much too young for the darker, redder shades, which are too mature for me. I am an inbetween lady, it would seem. It’s a good thing I’ve got this dude here to police how feminine I should be, or else I’d get it all wrong.

No but, I probably would, let’s be real.

He settles on a “plummy” shade. And not only is there no “Hum Drum” shade, I embarrassingly don’t even make this connection myself until Tim points it out on facebook later. Pimple man shows me how you can mix the blush with clear lip balm to make a lip balm that perfectly matches your blush. It is like watching a wizard at work. Is this how other women live? Like, is makeup this cool all the time? Do you all have matching lips and cheeks? That’s awesome.

Finished with painting my face, the pimply man collects together all the items he wishes to sell me (foundation, blush, 2 brushes) and generously throws in a free pot of the lip balm so that I, too, can be a wizard. He hurriedly rattles off how much this little pile will cost me and I know that now I must speak up.

“Thanks but I think I will just take the foundation and one brush please”.

His smile stays in place, but the free lip balm mysteriously disappears when he is putting my things into a paper bag. Somehow, even after money has changed hands, he is still not done with me. The guy is a master. Now he is showing me a nail buffer, now he is filing my pinkie nail, now he is moisturising my hands. He is walking me over to *another* shop... “NO!” I almost yell, “I have to go, thank you so much.” I disentangle myself from his shop, find Boyfriend, and basically run away.

3 stars

USQ - A Review

- A Review

On first glance, the University of Southern Queensland seems pleasant enough. The car turns into a big, welcoming driveway with brickwork gates on either side. Bright yellow banners bearing a bright yellow phoenix wave proudly from literally every available hanging place. I note that some of the hanging places are yellow.

Unlike the two universities I have previously attended (I’m collecting), finding a park at USQ is easy. What’s this? An educational facility with the foresight to build places for its students to leave their cars while they attend learning? I suppose in UQ’s defence, when it was first built people still walked to uni, as horses hadn’t been invented yet. But USQ is not really anything like UQ. Not a sandstone building in sight, I head towards a series of buildings with completely logical and easy to understand letters and numbers on them. Everything is built around one big square, the building I am heading to, building R (for Refectory) is in the relative middle. Super easy.

Sheesh USQ sure likes yellow is a thought I have possibly 78 times before I sit down at my orientation seminar. The toilet doors are yellow, the signs are yellow, the powerpoint presentation that hasn’t started yet is yellow. A girl in a yellow singlet pushes past me and I squash up to make room for her. My knees near my ears, I turn my head to see a girl across the aisle, she’s wearing a yellow shirt and matching yellow cons. I remember that I saw her drive in: her car is yellow too. I begin to wonder if maybe there was a memo I missed, or perhaps an invitation to a cult.

The orientation is for the most part, interesting and informative. I am struck with the thought that all people should have the opportunity to attend university, even for a short while, just to experience the amazing wonder that is proper, compassionate support. Free counselling, cheap accommodation, interest free loans. There’s a group here that will help you with real estate agents giving you trouble while you’re studying, access to tens of thousands of academic journals, careers advice, hundreds of scholarships. They even offer scholarships to people studying non-traditional courses, like men in nursing or education, women in engineering and science. The whole world, every single person, should know the joy of education and the support of a good university.

There’s an unfortunate section of the orientation where a guy from the library tries to get us, the first-year online/distance students, to talk to one another. No dude, we are literally going to spend the next however many years behind keyboards, please don’t make us interact. Thankfully the people in my row seem to agree with me, and we don’t talk. Maybe I’m missing out on something here, but I’m not in the mood for this kind of forced interaction, and the guy running this bit is super irritating so I feel justified.

Awkward situations over, it’s time for collecting up a bunch of pamphlets, trying to navigate the blue card forms and sussing out if I can get some kind of scholarship for living in the country/generally being socially awkward. Then I go to get my photo taken for my ID. The security guy doing the photos has clearly been at it for some hours and looks exhausted so when he asks me how I am, I ask him genuinely how he is doing instead. He is appreciative and pleasant and we have a chat about how lame it is you can’t smile in passport photos. (Which is super lame, by the way).

After that some random engineering dude smiles at me and says hey and I decide to add an extra star rating to the review blog I am already writing in my mind. Sure, I don’t know how to do flirting/I have a lovely Boyfriend, but he had pretty hair, and maybe he thought my hair was pretty too. It was a nice moment.

There is a Phoenix Carnival, which is just like a normal carnival, except everything is yellow. I go to investigate and purchase some vegetarian dumplings from the Chinese Culture Society. I feel like they would have been good dumplings, except that on the advice of the guy behind the counter, I dunked them in a garlic soy sauce. This “sauce” apparently contained every single clove of garlic in Toowoomba, and I can still taste it. I obtained a free phoenix shirt, and, now fully indoctrinated into the USQ cult, decide to leave. On my way out there is an a cappella quartet consisting of 4 pubescent boys with surprisingly good voices. One of them makes eyes at me while they sing, “Can’t help Lovin’ that Gal of Mine” and I begin to wonder if I have left a boob out this morning or something.

As I drive away I try to find an amusingly named street that I saw driving in, but it seems to have disappeared. Perhaps it’s like the Room of Requirement and only shows up when you are in desperate need of a laugh. Luckily for us, unlike the Room of Requirement, this street does show up on maps.

Sure, I might be starting my second degree, but I never said I was mature.

All in all it was a good day. I took a star off for forced interaction guy, and half a star off for all the garlic ever. But then added one back on for nice hair boy. Four and a half out of five yellow stars, would recommend.