Ah, it's been done to death, I know. I'm pretty sure people have written university level theses on Disney films. But I recently rewatched four classic Disneys and I have to get some stuff off my chest. I watched: Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, The Little Mermaid and Aladdin.
First up: parents. The only main character in any of these who has a mum and a dad is Simba. That's cool - we're showing children from a young age that no family is "normal" and it's ok to be raised by a single parent or, in the case of Aladdin, none at all: "I'd blame parents 'cept he hasn't got 'em" (Fat Lady, "One Jump Ahead", Aladdin, 1992). But my beef is, why is there never any explanation?
King Triton has a lot of daughters... like a lot. Are they all from the same mother? They don't look alike.
Does he get surrogates, or does he have concubines who must give up their children? Does he banish those concubines in anger for not giving him a male heir? He has a pretty intense temper, I wouldn't put it past him.
And sure, Simba's got a mum and dad... but has anyone else noticed that Mufasa is the only lion in a pride of lionesses? I mean, points for accuracy there Disney: there's no way a strong alpha like Mufasa would let any other males hang around his females, but ah... doesn't that make Nala Simba's sister?
Did Belle's mum just get fed up with her crazy inventor husband and walk out? Or did one of his inventions backfire and kill her? That's important backstory right there. If her dad accidentally killed her mum, Belle's 3 day romance with the Beast suddenly makes a lot more sense. She's a confused individual - she'll look for love anywhere.
And that, quite neatly, brings me to my next point. What's the obsession with 3 days Disney? Princess Jasmine has to marry before her next birthday... in three days' time. So, that means that the entire film: Jasmine's 'amusing' near death and impersonation of a mentally ill person in the marketplace, Aladdin's arrest, the Cave of Wonders, Aladdin's transformation into Prince Ali, the courting of Jasmine, the attempted murder of Aladdin, Jafar's crazy snake moment and the Genie's freedom... all happen in 3 days. There just aren't enough hours in there for all of that. I'm pretty sure there are at least 5 nights. Perhaps Arabian nights are different... and just happen when ever you need some drama.
Ariel, too, has to get a true love's kiss out of Eric before sundown on the third day. She doesn't have her voice to charm him with her wit... so relies upon eyelash batting and falling into lakes. It doesn't work... it takes 3 days and about half an hour.
And yeah - I'm pretty sure Belle spends all of about 3 days in the castle with the Beast before her dad is struck down with some sort of illness and she bails on him - accidentally setting a village of rednecks on him in the process.
I feel like we can't really blame Belle though; she is, after all, a child. Why is everyone in Disney 16? I mean, we're talking about marriage and true love and transforming oneself from one species to another here. Can't the characters at least be... I don't know 20? Shouldn't Ariel be in school?
The Little Mermaid was one of my all time favourites as a child. Obsessed. I watched the straight-to-VHS Little Mermaid movie about a whale (Whale of a Tale? Whale of a Time?) until it just about fell apart. But now, watching it as an adult: it's a story about a selfish princess who has the best life ever: no school, daddy's favourite, concerts in her honour... "but who cares, no big deal, I want mooooore" (selfish brat, "Part of Your World", The Little Mermaid, 1989). She then disobeys her father, makes a deal with a woman she knows to be a witch, goes to land with no plan, fucks it up, gets rescued by a prince, and leaves behind a very loyal friend, a loving father and a whole hoard of half sisters who are probably still grieving the banishment of their mothers.... I mean what sort of a message did that send to me as a child? Clearly none at all... I just wanted to throw away my life to become a mermaid. Oh wait.
Despite the incest thing... Nala's the best Disney princess of them all. And where is she in this picture? She'd fit right in:
Next time on Hum Drum Plum, we ask the big question: Why is Pocahontas' grandmother a tree?
"Perhaps Arabian nights are different"...hilarious
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